Fiona - Here's my reports - u might want to link it to something - sorry don't know how. Thanks.

McGroogle's First Time - Part.1.

Arrived at Gatwick from up norf with Michele (the better half) and Shannon (12 year old daughter) in tow on Easter Saturday. All very leisurely done, after a nice stay at a nearby hotel in East Grinstead the night before.

When we got airside the girls went shopping, as they do and I went supping, as we men do. So there I was sat in Lloyds bar on the first floor thinking how wonderful life is when the girls came back armed with allsorts of mags, sweeties, books and gods know what. At this point I remembered that I had arranged to meet Alan and Ann from Cambridge - 'AL38' from HT. So I explained this to the girls and proceeded to ring the number the Alan gave me over the net. 'Alan, it's Jim how are you doing'. 'Good he replies, where are you?' 'I am in Lloyds bar on the first floor at the far end of the terminal' I replied. He says' Where's that?'

So I proceed to explain to him where it is. 'Oh - I don't know where that is' Alan says. So trying to be polite but really thinking 'Bl**dy hell - it's only a small terminal with one bl**dy bar in it - how bl**dy difficult can that be to find?' 'Well Alan"¦ it's"¦"¦' and I proceed to explain myself yet again in slowed down speech, cos I am a northerner and thinking really hard before I say anything. This seemed to go on for ages but was probably only 4/5 minutes when Alan says out of the blue 'Look at the side of you - we are here!!' Well my face must have been a picture. AL38 1 - 0 McGroogle. We had a good laugh and introduced ourselves to each other, had some more drinks and in no time it was time to board the plane.

All I can say about First Choice was that their planes, punctuality, the quality of the fit out of the planes, the entertainment, legroom, service were all excellent. The food was the normal average fare but perfectly adequate and all passengers were treated very well indeed. I have read the bad comments about Monarch - so for all you disgruntled Monarch travellers forget Monarch and go with First Choice. Oops there goes the big secret!! Anyway we didn't see our newly aquired friends - they had upgraded to the front of the plane and fed on champagne and truffles apparently. We soon landed at the airport in Goa and I was ready for the much documented fight with the immigration officers and baggage handlers alike. We managed to bump into Alan and Anne again (now dubbed 'Our Posh Friends' by Shannon) and we was ready to do battle. Well getting through customs although seemingly pointless wasn't such a big deal, so now to the baggage handlers. There they were taking the suitcases and bags off the carousel - OK let's get into it. But wait they have grey shirts are tidily dressed and are not carting the baggage to the taxi's.

Then the penny drops. We are still airside and we can collect our baggage without hassle and need to go to another officer to hand yet another ticket in and then we are through. In a flash little orange men descend on us like a 'You have been Tangoed' advert. All five of us are gripping our suitcases like mad and shoo them off - Ok - phew we have survived that one. Alan and Ann have their taxi driver waiting and he helps us to get a taxi to Phoenix Park where we are staying. So in convoy we set off.
McGroogle's First Time Part.2.

So we get into our taxi to and follow 'Our Posh Friends' taxi through the streets and villages at about 7.30 in the morning on the way to Candolim. I was sat in the front with the taxi driver who turned out to be the only non - friendly Goan that we met all holiday. I did manage to get from him that he did in fact speak English but he chose not to - perhaps he was a grumpy b*gger first thing. Anyway it helped in one way to soak up the sites and sounds on the way through without any conversation. Michele and Shannon were in the back and I can remembering thinking if they can accept what they seee on this journey then they should be OK for the rest of the holiday. Sure there was a lot of poverty and the rubbish strewn everywhere was not what I expected. But the way I looked at it and fortunately the girls did too, was that this was their way of life and ours was our way of life. Neither is for the other to say which is wrong or right it just is that way. I think if you accept that then getting on with your holiday is a lot easier.

So after breakneck speed and overtaking manouvres that Jason Buttton would have been proud of we arrive within an hour at Phoenix Park Hotel. Grumpy taxi driver still not talking so no tip. We just pip Alan and Ann in the taxi and carry our cases to reception and check in. We find out that the room is not ready for us yet - probably cos we beat the bus but are asked to help ourselves to breakfast and the room won't be long before it will be ready. So the five of us sit down and have a pleasant breakfast of eggs, toast, jams, tea, orange juice and coffee and within a flash the rooms are ready. The rooms turn out to be spacious and cleanish, with a balcony and on the First Floor. Only problem is our balcony faces onto the side road at the back of the hotel and we get a nice sight of everybody's washing - but hey so what. Alan and Ann on the other hand come up trumps - they have a great view from the balcony looking onto the swimming pool - must be because they are posh lol. AL38 2 - 0 McGroogle. Right so after unpacking a little bit we have 2 choices either bed or try and stay up as long as we can and try get into the Goan hourclock. Well bed is not an option - we are on holiday and we are going to enjoy it. So we head for the beach. No sooner have we just left the kerb from the hotel it's'Taxi, Taxi'. 'No thank you we reply'. Then standing out with our pale skins the Timeshare people on their scooters descend on us like a plague of locusts. 'We re not trying to sell you anything"¦"¦but' and this chap tries to thrust a business card into my hand. I refuse and walk on. Then the same bloke shoots off on his scooter and comes back towards me and stops again. He seems really offended that I have refused his offer. I look at him sternly and 'Look I don't want anything so leave me alone'. 'But you don't have to buy anything you have to go to this place'. Leave me alone, this is my first day and don't want the hassle' He gets the message and clears off.

After a 3 mile trek up the beach to Baga - being accosted by sellers, shack owners and the like we arrive at Oceanic shack. Recommended by you HT'rs. Very nice too we have drinks and I have the butter chicken that everyone raves about - and delicious it was too. Not a cat in hells chance of walking back we get a taxi and spend the next few hours in the pool at the hotel. We had some more drinks and here's the catch for all of you thinking of going to Phoenix Park. The prices are not the cheapest for food or drink anyway - but then they put on a 20% surcharge. They call it tax but it's a con - even the barman could not tell me what it was for. This is the only gripe with the hotel. Separate report on that in the review section later.

So evening meal - where do we go? Alan and Ann have now adopted us or is it that we have adopted them? Not sure. So Alan gives us the honour of picking where to eat. So left at the top of the lane and onto Floyds - that we have read so much about. But be careful there are 2 Floyds. If you are heading to Fort Aguada from Candolim it is the one on theleft not on the right - you go up some steps. The one on the right maybe very nice but we did not go in there. The meal was fantastic we all had Indian style food from the clay oven and a mixture of different rices and naan breads. The naan breads were the best that I certainly have had anywhere. Makes the prepacked ones from Tesco seem very bland. All in all a great first day.

McGroogle's First Time part.3.

Just to clear something up from part.2.

Me, Michele and Shannon went to Baga. Alan and Ann our adopted posh friends went to Mango House to see Rob and Shermina to drop some clothes off and see the things that CWT were up to.

Indeed this set the pattern for the rest of our holiday - McGroogle's doing their own thing during the day - Alan and Ann ditto - but we did meet up every night for meals and drinks. This enabled us to catch up on the day's events, swap stories and have loads of laughs.

Now this is where the memories of days and events start to get murky so in no particular order here we go. At Phoenix Park we bumped into another nice couple from Sidcup - Ray and Debbie. Ray was struggling the first few days with Delhi Belly and coincidentally so had I for one day. Alan suggested it could be the glycerine talked about from the Kingfisher that I had been drinking (another HT tip) - it may have been coincidence but after laying off the Kingfisher and going on to Kings - hey Presto the Delhi Belly disappeared. Trying to be knowledgeable (but really nicking the idea of Alan) I proceeded to tell Ray, with raised eyebrows and with great authority, that it may be the glycerine in the Kingfisher and if he drank Kings"¦"¦"¦"¦ lo and behold Ray started to get better. AL 38 2 - 2 McGroogle (soz Alan). The next few days were taken quite leisurely. We visited Ganesh's shack met the gang there, visited Bobby's shack and Bono's shack - all of them very nice, cheap but good quality food. The girl's sun bathed and chilled out during the days with occasional dips into the sea to cool off. I was off walking up and down the beaches and around the nooks and crannies, visiting the odd watering hole on the way for needy refreshments. The sea breeze was more than welcome - it was only when you was walking around the streets with no breeze that you actually realized how hot the temperatures were. Within a couple of days we had settled into 'Goan Time'. Which is a time that doesn't exist in Britain. There's no rush for things to be done and people go about their business with smiles on their faces, without seemingly a care in the world. 'Goan Time' is surreal as if it appears in some exotic fairytale that is beyond our imagination. Oops!!...sorry I was getting all poetic then - back to the plot.

At night by now we were boycotting the hotel bar and restaurant (20% tax) and Alan had come up with a belter of a place for pre meal drinks. Just up the lane from the Phoenix on the left hand side, on the corner of the Candolim Road is a bar (it actually belongs to the hotel further down the lane - can't remember the name). Anyway we got to know O'Neill, the barman, who we christened 'Onion' cos that's how it seemed to be pronounced. The service, laughs and the measures of drinks were second to none and we had a great time in there for the rest of our holiday - so pop in. AL 38 3 - 2 McGroogle. They even had some decent bands on at night.

McGroogle's First Time - Part.4.

After settling in and getting our bearings for the first four days it was time to get around Goa. So first up was the trip to the spice plantation at Ponda and then to wash and ride the elephants nearby - then onto Old Goa to look at the churches and museums.

After telling the taxi driver what we wanted we agreed a price and away we went. Passing through the small villages and towns made us think how lucky we were - yet again. In less than an hour we arrived at the spice plantation and was greeted by a smiling Goan woman (aren't they all?) who put flower garlands around our necks and another girl showered us with yellow flower petals. To our right there was a group of young girls in traditional costume dancing to and singing a Goan song. What a welcome. The guide ushered us to join and sit down with another group of people - a warm drink of cinnamon, mint and something else was given to us and as we drank the liquid the guide went on to describe the spice plantation and what we would be doing that day. Which was going around the plantation and being introduced to the various plants and what they produced - interesting and not too long. We then had a vegetarian meal and drinks before we left.

So then it was around the corner to see the elephants. Which was very expensive by the way. 500 rupees per person to wash the elephants and 500 rupees per person to ride the elephants. Despite my best bartering skills I couldn't get them to budge on the price and had to part with 2000 rupees - in a way the had us over a barrel we wanted to do it so had no option in the end.. So Michele and Shannon went on the ride whilst I took photographs and camcorder footage. There were 3 elephants there. A very large bull, smaller cow elephant and a younger calf elephant. For the ride the girls went on the bull elephant and he was huge. So much so that they had to go up a bank that had a handrail at the top and then get access to the elephant that way. There was a seat for the girls for them to sit on. He was a magnificent, healthy creature and very well looked after. So a little walk up the lane and back and the girls thought it was great. The cow elephant was then led down to the nearby river where me and Shannon washed the elephant and then was told to sit on it's back. The elephant had been trained to snort water up it's trunk and then throw the water over her shoulder spraying us both with nice cool water - it was great fun and something not to be missed. Our taxi driver Sonny then took us to Old Goa on the way back to look at the churches and museums - very interesting and definitely worth a look. So that was the first trip and thoroughly enjoyable.

Our next trip was to Little Vagator Beach. Again another taxi for the day. We settled in a shack right opposite the Shirva carving which was very good and is an excellent piece of work. As soon as we settled on the sunbeds next to the sea we were descended on by 7 or 8 young girl sellers and Michele ended up parting with a few rupees for some inexpensive little gem encrusted notebooks - thinking that would be enough for them to go - wrong!! - as I will explain later. Armed with a bucket and spade me and Shannon then decide to go crabbing amongst the many rocks. How naïve are we. When we got around the headland and further into the rocks we saw absolutely loads of these black little critters. But they were not going into the rockpools as wethought they would they scurried off like merry hell straight into the sea. Could we catch them could we hell as like. We had a laugh and went back to the sunbeds. I left the girls for my customary walk to explore the beaches further North, these were Middle Vagator and Big Vagator beaches - beautiful they were too. And then at Big Vagator I climbed up to the fort ruins - quite a climb but worth the effort. The views from up there are absolutely stunning. You can see the Vagator Beaches and further North you can see the Chapora river falling into the sea. Beyond the river there's magnificent views of Morjim. Ashven and Mandrem beaches - you can't buy those views I'll remember them forever.

So I arrive back at the sunbeds a few hours later and Shannon is building sandcastles. One of the young sellers has tried the hard sell without success and I can see her change her tactics. She starts to help Shannon build the sandcastles - when eventually the sculpture is finished and then ultimately destroyed by the incoming tide - she comes over and starts talking to us and Michele (the missus) in particular. Over the next half anhour we get the girl's life story. She's 18 married by arrangement to a husband she doesn't love and who is also an alcoholic who doesn't work. She has to go out to work selling on the beaches to feed his habit and also keep a young baby who her Mum looks after whilst she is at work. She has been working on the beaches since she was 6 and so on. So predictably she eventually gets her wares out and tries to sell again. Anyway Michele is a big softy really and despite not wanting to buy anything she gives in and starts bartering for some cheap jewellery. I am at this stage tucking into a big plate of delicious chicken noodles and not really listening to the negotiations. So in the end I find Michele gas bought 2 toe rings and 2 ankle bracelets for 600 rupees - you have been ripped off I say. I mean it was only £8 but she had paid too much. One thing I can say though is we both had to hand to the girl for the enterprise and patience that she showed - now that was good con.

All Vagator beaches were beautiful and if you can put with the largest amount of sellers per beach dweller that I saw in Goa then it's got be included on your things to do.

McGroogles Part.5.

Mackies Saturday night market is a must for everybody. Ingo's market wasn't open and reading some posts on HT it has closed, although we couldn't get that verified when we was over there.

This was our first market experience. As soon as we left the taxi we met Alan and Ann at the entrance to the market and that's when the fun and games started. No sooner had we crossed the whitewash we had seller after seller trying to get us to look at their wares and their stalls. Some of them were quite in your face and actually tried to grab your arm. Maybe they will learn one day that if they leave you alone and let you browse that they will get more business - but maybe not. Now this was not planned but it transcended that me and Michele, the better half, had a devious way of out witting the pushy stallholders - and we may patent this idea so don't start thinking about nicking it. It really started with the first stall that Michele stopped at, which was selling allsorts of stuff, but she was interested in buying some leather girly sandals. Quite nice too I must say - but they didn't have my size. So she starts to barter with the guy and they both come down to a price. "Jim, he wants so and so - What do you reckon". "You have got be joking" I say. So then we start to get down to business and I slash the proposed price and eventually we get 2 pairs for the equivalent of £1.75 each - a bargain. She finds something she likes then it's the good cop, bad cop routine - it definitely works. So we go about the market using this technique and get some more bargains.

In the middle of the market are several stores selling all sorts of food from Noodles to Wraps all very nice and cheap. With the open bar and some excellent singing from the bands in the square the atmosphere is electric. So if eating, drinking and shopping are your thing or any combination of these three you have got to go - we all had a great night.

Ganesh at Ganesh's Shack (and other Shacks too) offer the best rates for the trips to see the dolphins. You get about an hour/ hour and a half to see them and if like my missus and daughter you get seasick, travelsick and generally any other motion sickness that's going then this is plenty. It certainly is value for money compared with the other larger organized boat trips - no names but you will see them advertised on every street corner in North Goa. We did see the dolphins but if you expect to see them leaping out of the water in front of your boat as you are belting along (like you see on the films) then you will be disappointed. Still an enjoyable trip and well worth going on.

Our final trip was to Morjim beach. Again another taxi hired for the day - how cheap are they to have. We picked a humdinger of a day to go. Alan and Ann had been to Mandrem beach, I think it was the day before, and talked about being sandblasted on the beach. Well this was just the same. The beach was beautiful but the wind was just too fierce. If we had known I would have kitted us all out with industrial strength leather aprons, gauntlets and one of those masks with the glass in it so that we looked like professional sandblasters - I am sure we could have picked those up cheap from the market. But we are British and we British persevere - we was here for the day and that was that. So after some snacks at the Planet Hollywood shack leaving Michele with her book me and Shannon decide to do some walking. Now we had seen some of these sand crabs that dig holes in the sand and run sidewards like the billyho from one hole to the next one. The game we devised was to try and catch one. The problem was that the little blighters kept seeing us coming and there was thousands of them - so everytime we got anywhere near them off they disappeared down the hole. I am sure they were using morse code between them - "They are coming your way" they would say. Anyway after numerous attempts we eventually managed to get one trapped between one hole and the next. So off it goes in another direction at something like 30 mph - the fastest crab on 6 legs (or how many they have got). So me and Shannon are chasing this crab along this beautiful desolated beach like demented idiots - god knows what somebody would have thought if they saw us - and guess what. Yes it disappears down another hole. So we decide to leave this pursuit a go up the beach.

When we get back after an enjoyable few hours and having stopped off for needy refreshments as you do - Shannon for some Coke and me forced to have some Kings beer - we cannot find the missus. There is a bearded man on the sunbed where we left her and he is reading her book."Hey" I say. "What are you doing on my wifes sunbed with her book. He turns round and then me and Shannon just burst out into fits of laughing. It's Michele after all. The sandblasting from the sand has given her a beard that Tom Hanks would have been proud of in the film Casataway. She burst out laughing as well when she realized. We still had a great day - another place for you all to go.

With the forum being quiet again I thought you might like this little story:

We went to Vagator for the day - what a beautiful place.

We battle through the beach sellers and set up camp on some sunbeds outside the shacks on some sunbeds close to the Shirva carvings. As normal I leave the girls (my missus and daughter) to lap up the sun rays intermittent with jumping into the sea to cool down. I stride off West down the beach for my customary walk.

I pass Indians chatting fully clothed looking out to the sea and dipping their toes in the water giggling as they do it. I go pass Middle Vagator Beach and then enter the enclave leading to Little Vagator Beach. This beach is desolate, peaceful and best of all free of the beach sellers. I see a chocolate figure in the distance coming towards me. I can tell it is a man his swagger gives him away. As he get's closer sure enough he is a Goan with a broad white smile, as wide as can be. He says 'Hello' and say 'Hello' and smile back at him. As we pass each other he winks and say' 'You look sexy'. I go bright red, cannot think what to say, turn round just as he turns round and he winks again. We both carry on walking in opposite directions. I am now mad with myself because I didn't know what to say - and more importantly I am mad 'cos I missed the moment to say something. After all no man has ever said 'I was sexy' - nor a woman come to that. So I shout out' If he was down the pub and said that I would have"¦"¦I would have '.Then I burst out laughing and realize what a twat I was. 'What's the big deal anyway' as I raise my head and shout into the sky and the cool wind. I carry on smiling and thinking. I see the ruins of the Fort on the hill on the peninsular at the end of the beach.

Right 'I'm going up to see that' I mumble to myself. I soon forget the beach and try several dead end paths through the gorse, goat droppings and scorched grass to try and get to the top. After 40 minutes or so I find the right path and enter the ruined gateway into the fort. I am greeted by another male Goan, smiling again as they do. This time his teeth are bad and he has rectangular polystyrene box perilously perched on his shoulder. I am on my own in this vast place and no - one is to be seen for miles around.'This chap looks dodgey' I think to myself. So I treat his 'Hello Sir' with caution - particularly after the last encounter. I am now thinking that the near miss of a gay encounter on Little Vagator beach is now being replaced with being slaughtered by a demented Goan hill billy in a place that I'll never be found. 'In the distance, Sir you can see the Chapora river meeting the sea and further up the beach you can see Morjim beach and then"¦"¦"¦"¦"¦' I am suddenly back with mother earth. 'Oh right'. I blurt out and follow Tommy around the ruined walls as he points out the places of interest. The views are spectacular. We get half round the Fort and I find out that Tommy is not an official guide after all. But I reconcile myself to perhaps giving him a small tip for his knowledge and cheery outlook on life.

'Sir, would you like a drink Sir?', Tommy suddenly asks. 'How much' I replied. 'Not much Sir'. I think and against my instincts I say 'OK, yes please'. He lowers the polystyrene box and lays it on the floor. The contents are cans of cola and squidgey juice cartons with the cellophane containing straws strapped to them- all sloshing around in luke warm water which was once ice. 'I'll have a mango juice Tommy' I say. 'OK Sir. Can I have one as well Sir.' Tommy asks and looks at me waiting for the answer. 'Of course you can have one, they are yours after all', at that moment I knew I had made a mistake, but I had said it and that was that. Tommy continues his tour around the walls and eventually we end up back at the gateway. 'How much do I owe you Tommy', I say as I smile at him waiting for the sting. '80 rupees Sir' he grins. '80 rupees - how do you get that' I reply in a high pitched voice. 'Well 40 rupees for your drink and 40 rupees for my drink', he says, still grinning. 'So you overcharge me for my drink and then you charge me for your drink that you bought anyway and eventually you would drink it - how does that work?' I put my stern face on now. 'Sir, I have to bring all of these drinks up the hill from miles away and the box is a lot heavier than it is now when all of the ice is in the box', his expression is still the same, he is still grinning. 'But you can buy these drinks for 20 rupees in the shops' I say breaking into a smile again. 'Not up here you can't Sir there are no shops!!'. Well that was it - I just burst out laughing. This of course made him laugh and the two of us were soon in uncontrollable fits of laughter at the top of hill somewhere in Goa. What a guy. I gave Tommy his 80 rupees as I bade farewell to him and as I galloped down the hill I was thinking ' That's another one of life's experiences that I will never forget - I'll put that in the memory banks forever with the others.