You could stay on the outskirts of Ayia Napa in an area like Nissi Beach and then venture in Napa central in a taxi if you wished. There's a lot of bars in and around the Nissi Beach area or could go further out to Macronissos area, both have great beaches but you would need a cab from Mac area into Napa as it's approx 2-3 miles away.
Once you pick an area then you can search the hotel reviews for some idea of what they're like and/or use the search facility (top of page) within the Cyprus forum for the hotel name as I guarantee it will have been asked before
It might be worth looking for a hotel in Ayia Napa itself. You seem to be looking for the same things that me and my girlfriend do, and we have stayed in Ayia Napa a couple of times over the last 2 years. If you pick the accomodation carefully (ie not an 18-30s property and not in the centre of the resort) you'll probably find its just what you're looking for. Theres great beaches, quality restaurants and loads of bars with plenty of options, both lively and quiet, away from the centre of the resort where the young crowd goes.
Again I'd check out the maps of Napa (section at the top of the forum) with the hotels listed and then start researching or you'll drive yourself round in circles.
is nissi bay resort lively with bars? or would you have to go into napa for bars and clubs, we were tinking sumwhere like that if we wanted 2 go into a busier place (e.g.napa) on a couple of nights we could, but sumwhere also we could go to bars in walking distance to hotel. would a hotel in nissi bay be a good option?
A good spot could be somewhere a little closer to Napa about halfway between Nissi Beach and central Napa on Nissi Avenue where the road forks, there's several hotels there, the Thallasaki Beach being a good one along with several others, it's a bit busier round there and more going on but within an easy stroll into Napa central.
Like I say check the map http://www.moi.gov.cy/moi/DLS/dls.nsf/dmlmapsplans_en/dmlmapsplans_en?OpenDocument to get your bearings and that should help
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