I detest airports, I want to get through them as quickly as possible, they're no longer a 'nice' place to be anymore because they are full of jobsworths - most having let the authority go to their heads and most expecting the general public to keep their mouths shut, their heads down and do as they are told.
It's like living in North Korea.

I don't know why anyone would think that Northern airports are less strict or less intimidating in comparison to somewhere like Gatwick, because from my experience they're not - in fact the jobsworth drones in Donny airport having only a handful of flights a day, they go into 'overdrive' trying to substantiate the need for their jobs, when they have to 'process' 200 odd people a few times a day.

What's so annoyingly wrong is that these people have been given the power to stop you boarding a plane and if you question them, you run the risk of being accused of being aggressive or argumentative.
IMO, if they can't handle all the little quips from the general public and the traits displayed by humans when nervous, or people like myself who are just fed up of being treat like a sheep and being ordered around, then they shouldn't be in the job and they certainly shouldn't be allowed to abuse their powers.

Attitude goes a long way, here's an example.
Last year at Donny, by the time I'd got through the arch because my gold bracelet set the buzzer off and I was then manually screened, the guy at the end of the hand luggage screening belt, he had already poured the contents of our hand luggage out onto a desk for all to see.
I wasn't carrying any intimate personal items, but imagine if you have things like Tampax, sanitary towels or incontinence pads - some people will find it embarrassing to have a bloke (younger than my youngest son) placing all these things on an open desk.

Now in contrast......
A few years ago we went to Australia and took a flight to Melbourne from Sydney - on the return journey to Sydney at Avalon airport after the bag had gone through the screening, there was a huge built guy stood at the end of the belt.
He beckoned Dave over and asked if it was his bag and said...
" Excuse me sir, I have to check your bag, can I proceed to examine the contents sir"? and he took us away to a desk that was only a few feet away from the belt, but out of view of everyone collecting their luggage as it emerged the other side of the screening machine.

My point being, a) He was polite. b) He asked permission. c) He didn't think it was his god damn right to go riffling through the bag without the owner of the bag being there...... and d) because of the pleasant and civil attitude displayed by the bloke, we didn't feel intimidated, we cooperated with him and both said "thank you" to each other, and we went on our merry way.

And guess what - the bloke actually smiled - a rare sight in UK airports these days.

Sanji x

They don't need to substantiate their jobs at all
1. To check for dangerous items .eg sharp items , that were used by 9/11 terrorists to overpower crew and passengers to commit atrocious crime

2. To check for liquids , that they comply , that was a planned attempt to smuggle aboard liquid explosives to kill innocent people in flight and cause an atrocity .

3. To check passengers and their belongings for trace of explosives , that was an actual attempt ( s ) that went wrong by not igniting when a terrorist tried to ignite an explosive device he was wearing , first of all shoes then pants .

Other points .

1. They do not have the power to stop you boarding a plane . If a problem escalates or becomes serious , eg threats , physical abuse then the airline is informed and THEY make the decision .

2. They ask who the owner of the bag is , and ask for permission to search , this is usually made by asking " do you have any liquids in the bag ?" Or. " do you have any sharp items ? ". Because their x rays can clearly see that you have !!! and guess what 9 times out 10 the answer is no , " are you sure ? ". No , no etc and then the offending is found very quickly because the x ray will show the position of the offending item .

When security staff are employed they have to pass CTC checks , ( counter terrorism checks ) they have to pass x ray checks & procedures to use the machines , they are tested for making effective and competent body checks , these checks and tests are done on a refresher basis too , then there is the constant CCTV monitoring everything they do , the analysis and stats from using the x ray machines , the DfT inspectors checking up on regulations being implemented not forgetting the EU inspectors too , also covert testing , where mystery passengers have items concealed on them even in intimate places that have to found . All these tests and results are on your personal work file and quite rightly you have to have a good and competent record .

Now I have quite a good job , pays quite well and I don't have to endure anywhere near the scrutiny they do , and I bet many jobs are the same , but their job is important so it's understandable , and if you want to judge one and all as jobsworths that's your viewpoint , I'm sure they don't view ALL passengers as ... Whatever you want to call it ?

A few examples now of everyday nonsense .

" all laptops and iPads out of bags please ....do you have a laptop or iPad ? ". I have an iPhone

" any liquids , creams , paste or gels ? ". No but i do have toothpaste

" any liquids , creams , paste or gels ? ". No but I do have perfume

I know I have the patience ( just about ) to wait at security for 5 or 10 even 15 mins and endure it , but to have to constantly put up with that all day long really would do my head in .

I really don't know if I'm just lucky , but I have never really had a bad time at any security , here in the UK or elsewhere like Asia , Middle East , Africa , Caribbean or Europe over the years , if I was going to be really very critical I would say the Spanish seem a little brusque but acceptable to me , and that LHR Fastrack is not really fast , more like C5 rather than T5 .

If all the security checks are standard I wonder why at East Midlands airport a portable DVD player was OK in the flight bag but at Manchester it needed to come out of the bag as it was "a computer".

As regards electrical equipment all laptops and large electrical items are to be screened separately , this is due to the density of the item , it is easier to " see " the item more clearly on the x ray separately rather than in the main bag with other items around it . Usually it would probably be ok in the main bag and could be x rayed like that but then if when the bag was x rayed it couldn't been " seen " clearly it would then have to be taken out and screened separately , the security at Manchester are being more cautious IMO and there's nothing wrong with that , while at EMA they see no specific problem , but if they were in doubt when screening your bag they would then have taken a more detailed and separate screening .
You might think it strange , but its not , do you pack your bag with exactly the same items , in the same order ? Sometimes minor things are viewed differently , and searches do have to be random by nature .
In your instance MAN are doing as instructed by the letter , but that's not to say EMA are not being diligent .

Andy, we're going to have to agree to disagree on the subject of airports.
I'm not silly enough to tar everyone with the same brush, hence why I used the word 'most', twice.

1. They do not have the power to stop you boarding a plane . If a problem escalates or becomes serious , eg threats , physical abuse then the airline is informed and THEY make the decision

Ok, I'll rephrase that, they have the power to interrogate you and delay you, which may mean that you miss your flight.
Last week when landing back at Donny from Malaga, on the way to the passport control desk, which is a small area, there must have been 4 signs, saying that any kind of abuse will not be tolerated by the staff - I said to Dave " Does that work both ways? "

At Avalon airport we were carrying hand luggage containing clothes for 5 days - nothing was wrong with the contents, no toothpaste, no perfume, no liquids, I didn't own a tablet then - nothing to see here, move along - the guy made it perfectly clear that he had to examine x amount of luggage in a day - we just happened to be a random check.

At Donny airport the bag examined was carried by Dave, I have my own Kipling bag and my coat, shoes, phone and tablet had been placed in a tray.
The only possible 'suspicious' item in the bag was a small travel kettle and the lead/charger for my tablet that I nearly forgot, because it's normally plugged in the socket at the back of the settee with the lead draped over the arm of the settee.
I nearly walked out the house without it and at the last minute I had to put it in the bag because the cases were already locked and the taxi was parked outside.
What did he think I was going to do with an empty travel kettle and a lead that only fits my tablet?

He bailed everything out, all the pockets and the false bottom flap that keeps this type of bag more stable - he walked away and left me to repack it again - he found absolutely nothing because there was nothing in there except a kettle, lead, 2 books, tablets for blood pressure/statins, and some ham or egg sandwiches.
However, he did find a pack of playing cards in a pocket that I'd forgotten about, they must have been back and forth to Spain for the last 10 years.

Sanji x

I have had the jobsworth who thinks "I can't cope" means carry on as normal. Saying that B'ham airport at the time had NO visual signage.

I reckon they need to update all the visual signs at an airport. The last time i flew (Dec) they still only had laptop/liquids.

If I wasn't a frequent traveller, I wouldn't know about iPad etc going through seperately and I would not be able to understand what the airport worker was saying because of an inability to filter background noise.

For anyone who thinks that answering one of the standard questions with a "witty" response will actually get a laugh from the staff. Just remember they say the same question hundreds of times a day. There is no response you could give that they haven't heard before. You will be thought of as an idiot at best or depending on the "joke" it could stop you flying.

ringmaster411 wrote:

For anyone who thinks that answering one of the standard questions with a "witty" response will actually get a laugh from the staff. Just remember they say the same question hundreds of times a day. There is no response you could give that they haven't heard before. You will be thought of as an idiot at best or depending on the "joke" it could stop you flying.

I'm sure they have heard them all before but people mostly 'joke', in these circumstances, due to nervousness & I'm sure most of the ground staff understand this as you'd have thought it would have been included as part of their customer relations training.

Back to the original 'Things you should never do at an airport' which was supposed to be a light hearted look at airport life

Has anybody been through the body scanners? I have had to go through one at Edinburgh and Glasgow and was thinking that as it detects body heat will it pick up lets say exhaust gasses emitting your rear?

There was a photo circulating, showing just that...will see if I can find it....

Edit:- http://1079ishot.com/fart-airport-real-fake-video/

Kiltman HT Mod wrote:

Back to the original 'Things you should never do at an airport' which was supposed to be a light hearted look at airport life

Underestimating others language skills .

At work one day my wife had an elderly French couple passing through and her colleague asked the woman if she had anything in her bag that needed removing and the man replied , and said in French " just tell them there's a bomb in the bag ". With quizzical looks and the all so familiar lack of sense of humour no one is the wiser except her other colleague who clearly overhears the comment and replies the statement back in fluent French and asks why ( he's not French but from a French speaking country ) the look of shock on their faces !!! The man then runs off into the departure lounge and has to be apprehended by police while the woman is still in shock , has a panic attack and medics have to attend to her .

Not as bad as the man who when told he needed to put the pushchair through the x ray scanner decided to put his child through too !!!

When we went to America the first time I was told so many stories about US immigration and how lacking in sense of humour they were. It was our turn and after a few questions he asked my wife if she had any food in her bag, she replied without any thought on how it would be taken, only a packet of biscuits ,would you like one? and that cracked him up and we were gone in a very short time and left him smiling.

Sanji wrote:

Andy, we're going to have to agree to disagree on the subject of airports.
I'm not silly enough to tar everyone with the same brush, hence why I used the word 'most', twice.

1. They do not have the power to stop you boarding a plane . If a problem escalates or becomes serious , eg threats , physical abuse then the airline is informed and THEY make the decision

Ok, I'll rephrase that, they have the power to interrogate you and delay you, which may mean that you miss your flight.
Last week when landing back at Donny from Malaga, on the way to the passport control desk, which is a small area, there must have been 4 signs, saying that any kind of abuse will not be tolerated by the staff - I said to Dave " Does that work both ways? "

At Avalon airport we were carrying hand luggage containing clothes for 5 days - nothing was wrong with the contents, no toothpaste, no perfume, no liquids, I didn't own a tablet then - nothing to see here, move along - the guy made it perfectly clear that he had to examine x amount of luggage in a day - we just happened to be a random check.

At Donny airport the bag examined was carried by Dave, I have my own Kipling bag and my coat, shoes, phone and tablet had been placed in a tray.
The only possible 'suspicious' item in the bag was a small travel kettle and the lead/charger for my tablet that I nearly forgot, because it's normally plugged in the socket at the back of the settee with the lead draped over the arm of the settee.
I nearly walked out the house without it and at the last minute I had to put it in the bag because the cases were already locked and the taxi was parked outside.
What did he think I was going to do with an empty travel kettle and a lead that only fits my tablet?

He bailed everything out, all the pockets and the false bottom flap that keeps this type of bag more stable - he walked away and left me to repack it again - he found absolutely nothing because there was nothing in there except a kettle, lead, 2 books, tablets for blood pressure/statins, and some ham or egg sandwiches.
However, he did find a pack of playing cards in a pocket that I'd forgotten about, they must have been back and forth to Spain for the last 10 years.

Sanji x

At Donny airport last year, I was hauled to the side and had to unpack everything in my flight bag for a pack of cards, I was there ages while the bloke x rayed my bag again, took ages studying the screen, then decided I had to get everything out. The offending article was a pack of cards, not sure what he thought it was.