Just got back from my 3rd visit this year to Ibiza, the place never ceases to amaze me and I find myself more and more drawn to the great white isle. Each year there seems to be different breeds of visitors but the variety is what makes Ibiza so great.

Heres my slant on the various English tribes that visit the island (Tongue in cheek view of course)

Toni and Guy's - the latest breed, all with their low slung baggy jeans revealing their designer underwear, black or white vest tops are a must as are the flip flops, shark fin style haircut and the latest fashion white or gold rim police sunglasses which they wear day and night.. They spend most of their time trying to outcool each other sunbathing with their jeans on. There in Ibiza because its fashionable to do so and pretend to know the clubs and music scene inside out. When in the UK they can be found checking out the latest in G Star or Evisu fashion, they tend to live south of manchester, but the species have also been know to live in Leeds

Beer Boys - Im sure weve all come across these lot, number hair cuts, kswiss trainers and check navy short by day (with nor tops) and sometimes dressed the same by night, although they tend to vary to the occasional pastel pink polo shirt or anything with horizontal stripes by henri lloyd or fred perry. Generally a nice bunch, always getting pixxed in the west end, causing trouble and shouting abuse at anything in a skirt. Generally they go to Ibiza as they have seen Ibiza uncovered on the TV and think the whole island is like that, there age can vary from 17 right up to 35. At home they spend most of their time down the local city centre causing havoc, eating kebabs and chucking up, not to mention causing fights with the police

The music man - These guys are a bit more varied and sometimes a little more difficult to spot, see them trawling through the vinyl in the music shops, not posers or pixx heads but think they are part of the 'in the know' crowd and know where all the cool bars are. You wont find them at Eden, Esparadis or even in San Antonio as its not cool enough but will be frequent visitors of Space, DC10, Bora bora, Salinas. Don't mention anything mainstream to these guys (especially DJ sammy) as there noses are far to up their own arses. These guys think they own the island and if it weren't for them Ibiza wouldn't exist. When they arnt in ibiza they can be found frequenting ibiza forums spouting their superior knowledge of ibiza and the cool music scene

Geeks - There seems to be a lot of this type lately, no fashion sense, kind of ugly (both male and female), clueless about the island and have only ever been to san Antonio. Tend to be seen in couples, male is tall, gangly, glasses with a mop hair cut and the partner is always fat with short skirts and dolly dimple high heels. They go to Ibiza because their mum thinks it's a nice place. When not in ibiza, these guys spend most of their time on their playstations and frequenting virgin megastore checking out the latest chart compilations

Mr Family man - The bread and butter of the island, always looking stressed, towing round the screaming kids in push chairs laden with lilos, bags and the mrs. Will always find them in San Antonio bay where they congregate in groups around the many tacky bull bar parks drinking two for one beers whilst never speaking to the wife who constantly runs around shouting at the kids. They've never heard of Ibiza town or the sunset strip and think the bay represents everything Ibiza stands for. This breed is often seen floating around Ikea on a saturday afternoon or in Tescos doing the weekly shop, otherwise they will be washing the car on a sunday afternoon after mowing the lawn

Joe Average - Kind of a mixture of the above, neither fashionable nor geekish, will sample the likes of the sunset strip and may even venture to some of the clubs the rep recommends. These lads never seem to score and sit sullen faced either on the beach with the socks and trainers on and don't like to be in the thick of it or the centre of attention. They never get upto anything wild and will send post cards home to their mums saying wish you were here.

Of course if we included the other nationalities the list would go on:...

Hippies of all nationalities in their loon pants, goatee beards, only come out at night
Muscley Italien and spanish straght gay look a likes, who only wear lycra tops that are too small for them, they never smile and wouldnt go amiss in the gay quarter of ibiza town.
Gay community, very fashionable, pleasant and probably the nicest tribe in ibiza overall

Anyone care to add any other categories