Does sound very strange. What if they don't get all the money they want?

I have a bit of a thing about 'some' weddings and the gifts they require. It's almost as if they've paid for a meal for you and in return you have to buy a gift from a list. It was originally so people could set up house but there mustn't be very many now who haven't already set up house so it's collecting stuff they want rather than need. Although having said that it is nice to buy a gift for someone for a special occasion.

I don't know, maybe I'm just a miserable git but asking for money for a honeymoon seems a bit of a cheek to me, though you could feasibly get away with only giving a fiver.

My brother and his wife specified no presents for their wedding though some people bought one anyway. I think I would be the same.

Then again I probably know why I'm not so keen on all this, it's years of having to shell out for engagement gifts, wedding gifts, gifts for births of children, gifts for christenings and having not been engaged, married or had kids myself never being on the receiving end.

Bah, humbug.

Re the Data Protection Act I'm fairly sure that Thomson will have covered themselves for this because the penalties for breaching it can be high. The way the system probably works is that by now the couple will have had to pay for the holiday on their credit card (because Thomson will have had to pay the TO by now anyway) and all these 'gifts' from their guests will be credited back to the card after the wedding. The couple will have had to authorise Thomsons to collect money from 3rd parties to set against their holiday account and frankly I think that what is really out of order is that they are emotionally blackmailing you into helping pay for a very expensive holiday. Call me cynical but I suspect that they are hoping that people will see just how much is left to pay off and will be tempting into upping their contribution.

When faced with this growing trend I have always refused - I very sweetly smile and say that I'm a traditionalist when it comes to these things and that I think it is far more romantic for the groom to pay for the honeymoon for his new bride as was always expected. But that if they need something for their home and help equip it, then I am more than willing to be equally traditional and provide a gift of the traditional sort too. If this doesn't go down well then frankly I'd find a reason why I couldn't attend the wedding in the first place.

Luckily, most of the recent weddings I've been invited to - and even those I haven't but for which I've still sent or contributed to a gift for - have been young people who aren't high earners and have been very grateful for a traditional gift to help them equip their home with the basics. Including the son of a cousin who really did want an electric toaster becasue every penny they had had gone into the deposit on a home in the south of England!

Weddings are increasingly bigger, more expensive things to attend and just being there is putting more and more guests to more and more expense even before they buy a gift. If you're a close friend of the bride or groom, you've probably already had to shell out for what is no longer just a few drinks on their hen or stag night but a weekend away in a city that you might not even have wanted to go and visit. If you're a family member you mightn't have had to shell out for that but as families become more and more spread out as we all move around for work more, then you'll probably have to shell out for overnight accommodation for up to 2 nights either side of the actually wedding. Big posh weddings require expensive formal outfits - it just goes on and on.

Personally, as far as I'm concerned, if you can't afford to pay for the wedding AND the honeymoon then you should scale down your plans and cut your cloth according to what you can afford. If that means a sandwich back at your Mum's and a weekend in a caravan in Skeggie then so be it. Surely, the most important thing on your wedding day is having everybody who's important to you there to share it with you, not how big a gift they give you or how much they contribute to your honeymoon?

Off all the weddings I've been to recently the nicest was the simplest. It took place on a Friday in the back garden of friends of the bride (you can do this in Scotland!), all the guests brought a dish to contribute to the buffet and the bride and groom provided the bubbly for the toasts. On the Saturday night we all re-convened in the village hall for a Ceilidh with a live band and a stovie supper provided by the couple and guests brought a bottle of their favourite tipple as a contribution to the 'bar'. The couple made it clear that they didn't want gifts but some of us contributed in kind, for example, I did all the flowers on the basis of scouring other friends gardens for what was in season (very easy for a June wedding)and ordering from my local florist what ever was needed to supplement the free booty. This was mainly Freesia for the bride's posy and one for her bridesmaid which she reqeusted for the sentimental reason that her mother was clearly holding a posy of Freesia in the photos of her wedding. Another friend did the photos etc and many of us helped out by providing accommodation for anybody who needed it in our spare bedrooms.

Friends and family came from far and wide, including flying from abroad, and it was a very large wedding in the sense of the number of guests and I can't help feeling that the reason so many did so was because it wasn't going to cost them much to attend apart from their own travelling expenses. It was clear that all the couple wanted was for them to share their wedding celebrations with them without any thought of what they'd be able to get from them in the way of gifts etc.

SM

PS The couple are keen outdoorsy people and arranged things so that their annual mountain trekking holiday became their honeymoon the following week!

My god, it's bad enough being given a "list" with expensive, designer items on, I think it's really, really shocking to do this, the honeymoon is your responsibillity. I wouldn't dream of doing it. I'm sorry but if it were me , I wouldn't be contibuting to someone elses holiday

That's really bizarre.

We got our's from Thomas Cook and everyone was given actual vouchers which were then given to us by each individual person.

Did you have to go to a specific branch to contribute or couldit be any Thomsons?

My son's friend got married a few weeks ago, they sent a note with their invitations to say they were puting a wishing well at the reception they didnt want presents just the cash!

wgipk.

Let me see what we got for our recent wedding......

Nothing....

And that is just how we wanted it. It was a quite family affair in Barbados with me paying for my mum and dad to go as they can't afford to go abroad.

The other guests were more than happy to pay for their own travelling expenses.

A great fortnight was had by all, and no present or money could replace that enjoyment.

Materialistic matters never count more than the happiness of marriage.

Mark

Heavens! I thought being asked for a donation towards the honeymoon was bad enough but a 'wishing well' - touting for cash like that takes the biscuit! I'm obviously really out of touch with modern wedding etiquette is all I can say. Let's get married and we'll get the guests to pay for the reception and honeymoon' is definitely not the way we used to do it in my day :-)

SM

My thoughts exactly SMa.
Where do people get the neck for asking in the first place is beyond me.

Anybody out there recently married and have done something similar, could we have your point of view as to why you ask of these things

I agree with most of the postings but do remember in some countries, Greece for example then cash is the norm. I had some greeks to my wedding and they had to buy presents which they dont normally do.

Obviously not used to buying wedding presents I wish they had given cash !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Kind Regards
Stewart

I'm in the sitaution at the moment where a relative is asking for money towards the honeymoon. I have decided that I am not going to do that and they will get a present instead.I'm just a traditionalist I'm afraid. When we got married we did have a wedding list but only after we were nagged to produce one by several relatives. We had no expensive presents in there( eg large kitchen appliances).

A friend of mine was invited to a pal's wedding and they had requested vouchers from everyone. They also specified '£25 minimum'.

My friend decided she was giving them nothing if they had the cheek to specify a minimum spend. Don't blame her in the least!

I really can't believe the cheek of some people
Glad all my mates are married and have been long before all these things came about as one or two may have opted for that idea re; honeymoon

We had a situation where a relative got married. Left him. Divorced him and married the guy she went off with.

With the invite to wedding No2 we got a note that the wedding gift list was at an expensive store.

Got my head in my hands when I commented.

I find it rather bizarre the way that those who have lived together for years and got the kids decide an expensive foreign wedding is in order and the invite and the gift request. But then it might just be me!

fwh

I'm not married, but we have lived together 14 years and have a son. If we were to get married I would not ask or expect any gifts. Our house is the way we want it, we do not need money for a holiday, if we ain't got money,it we can't go, end of!

Fwh, you can leave go of your head, totally agree with what you said.

I have to agree with Sma and others
I think it is a blinkin cheek to ask anyone to help pay for the honeymoon, well I actually think it is taking the and I wouldn't be too happy at contributing towards it, but it doesn't surprise me at all, some of these young uns today have some high expectations ....just as long as someone else is paying for it.
When my oldest boy got married they had been living together for a few years and just about everything in the house, (including the house itself) was less than 2 years old, there was nothing that they wanted. People were racking their brains at coming up with suggestions of what to buy them.
It would have been pointless buying them anymore bedding, towels and such like, as they had plenty and they are forever changing the colour scheme, I think they both have a fetish for decorating and the smell of gloss paint.

The wedding itself was a very low-key affair with around 25 close family members having a 3 course meal and work colleagues invited later to a buffet.
My son had been married before and as we had already paid for one wedding only a few years earlier, I certainly was not going to pay for another one and all credit to them both, they never asked us too or expected us too....they paid for everything.
The second wedding was IMO better than the first one, it was more family orientated and this might sound sloppy, but you could see and feel the love between them. The first wedding was too plastic and bling.
They had to get married in the Register Office because of his divorce, but then we went to the local church for a blessing, then off for the meal and then later party time with family and friends.
They didn't have a honeymoon, they had concentrated on building a home with their money, so they spent a couple of nights in a hotel in York and then went back to work.

Like Sma I did the flowers and the brides father made the 3 tier wedding cake, the only concession (if that is the right word to use), was the bride having not been married before, she wanted an ivory coloured wedding dress and the trimmings, which she hired for the day.

When faced with what to do about presents, they said there is nothing that they wanted and this kindda put the guests in a quandary and made some feel uncomfortable, so having just built a conservatory on the back of the house they had seen a cane suite for this conservatory in Argos which they were saving up for and IF people wanted to buy them Argos gift vouchers, then they would be very grateful"¦if not, just come to the wedding and hope/pray this one lasts longer than the previous one.
The second wedding cost nothing anywhere near what the first one had cost and a fat lot of good the first honeymoon had been, in the end.

So far so good, they are as happy as pigs in muck.

Sanjiiiiiii

A few years ago we were given an online wedding list of items from Debenhams. There were expensive things on it but also quite reasonable items. We chose to buy a garden bench which was on the list and we thought it was a bit different and we liked the look of it. We duly ordered it and it was going to be delivered direct to them.
After a couple of days we got an email saying that the bench was out of stock and Debenhams had chosen something else from the list, wrapped it and sent it on. It was only at the wedding a couple of weeks later we told the bride and groom what had happened and asked them what they had recieved instead, to be told that we had bought them towels!!!
I was so annoyed as we would never have spent the amount we did on towels!!

My daughter & her hubby had lived together for 6 months before their wedding in March. They did not provide a wedding list. If family asked what they wanted they said they were saving for a lawnmower & a shed to put it in. They received a mixture of presents, assorted vouchers from shops and money all of which was welcome and put to good use. When they returned home the morning after the wedding there was a lawnmower wrapped with bright ribbon in the middle of their kitchen floor ( courtesy of the best man & his partner). They also had enough money to buy a shed & a new tv to replace the 2nd hand one they had. They had a wonderful honeymoon every penny of which they saved for themselves. They have never expected or asked for handouts.

I tend to subscribe to the thought that a present should be the idea and wish of the giver, not the desire of the receiver.

And as to the demand for a minimum of 25 quid. Well.

That said when I got married light years ago some people did ask and in the end I gave in and did a kind of list from .....yes you've guessed it, The Argos Catalogue. You can't really get much more down market than that.

Must admit the 'Thomson' way does seem a bit odd, Ive only ever heard of vouchers for this kind of thing.

Doe

We got married 9 years ago and did make a list of sorts not specific shops just things like slow cooker etc and it only went to people who asked for it. There was 3 weddings at work that year (and a christening LOL) and one of the other girls sent the wedding list out with the invites. Well I am not going to be there when they open it was her attitude
We got a few gifts that were not to our taste but we gave some to the charity shop and sold the rest at a car boot sale. We were just happy to see everyone having a good time.
I think the honeymoon voucher thing is unfortunately a sign of our society nowadays
People want things and they want them now