cemile- my hubby is same age as me-23 lol and im going for season,maybe 6 months, ultimately i would like us to live here, it aint easy living in turkey but that all depends on visa when we apply!
hibz-not quite understanding if you made your comment to me lol, i actaully first met his family when i went to visit him for first time, they are lovely people who have never asked me for anything and treat me so well and dont expect anything of me,theyr not old fashioned or anything tho lol!
bluepeter-thanks for your positivity lol, nice to hear someone being encouraging!
overall i think you do of course have to be cautious, cos there are so many players out there and you just dont know who to trust....but in a relationship there isnt any hurry, things can be taken slow and built upon!
anyway, take care everyone lol!xxx

I think the best thing to do is to start listening to people and end things now.
But i don't agree with people saying they are just with english girls for money, visa etc. My boyfriend doesn't want to leave turkey to move to england. And after i got tired of seeing him trying to coax people into the bar i told him it was over. He then went and bought (with his own money) two rings (not engagement rings) to show he was genuine and didn't want anyone else. Me and my family were then told by one of our older friends who has no connection to my boyfriend that it would have cost him three weeks wages and the cross he bought me the first time we met would also have been three weeks wages. Yes, i have brought him a football shirt but that was my choice as i got sick of seeing him in a liverpool shirt (sorry liverpool fans) that had been given to him by one of the other families and all in all it seems i haven't spent half as much money on him as he has on me.....

thats good then camille it sounds ok so far, i did buy my turkish friend a footy shirt but he hadnt asked for it and he has never asked me for money or anything and same as you he said he loves living in turkey and hasnt tried to come over here etc, he isnt my boyfriend but we did have a fling and we just get on great as friends. I have met his family and they are very kind and didnt expect anything of me

xxx

Hi Cemile,

A favourite ploy of all these men is to pretend that have absolutely no desire in coming to England! They say that to you so you don't twig that they're only with you for a visa. Think about it: WHY wouldn't your boyfriend want to visit the country you originate from? They have to make out they're not interested in coming to England so you don't become suspicious of their intentions. But as sure as eggs is eggs - they always change their minds once they've got you hooked!!

As for you dumping your boyfriend because he used to coax customers to eat in his restaurant - that seems an awfully strange reason to dump someone! And then for him to rush out and buy you a gold ring and necklace seems even stranger still! And if the man is right about the cost of the jewellery, and your boyfriend spent such a large amount on a gift he could ill afford (and when you were no longer together as such!) you need to ask yourself where exactly he got the money from to pay for them! It all sounds very strange.

These men will tell you anything you want to hear, and pretend they have no desire to visit the UK. They'll give you gifts (probably which have been bought for them by another of their girlfriends) to try and get round you, and then suddenly the requests for money will start pouring in. I notice you've already asked how to send money to Turkey,and although you're claiming it's for a woman some people would think you were hiding the fact the money's actually for your boyfriend!

You should be careful..................very careful!

Strawberry

Hi Cemile

Your very first post on this site is 'How to send money to Turkey?' Is it any wonder that we are worried for you? Please listen to strawberry she knows how these people operate. Do be very very careful.

I also would be totally suspicious if a man I was serious about showed no desire to visit my country, it's not natural if hes going to spend the next 40 years with you. He thinks that the moment he mentions it you will get suspicious and pull the plug to the visa. His family probably clubbed together to get you the gold.

All that has been detailed on here by yourself and gem who started this thread has happened to someone I work with and it has been tragic (involved a baby being born so another innocent victim) that is why I am so concerned.

no matter what ive waffled on about, i think you guys are making sense and now you've mentioned in more depth it makes sense

i havent read all the posts but i agree you must be very careful, but i do know of 3 very happy marriages from english women to turkish men, so it can work, this 1 couple we have become friends with they have been married 15 years and although they lived a lot of that in the uk they have just returned to marmaris turkey and she loves it there, their daughter has just started turkish school, another couple i know live in the uk and another couple live in akyaka and run a restaurant together. i still say tread with care as you do hear some horror stories but there are some genuine turkish men just need to keep your eyes open and your wits about you

Karen. I think what hit the panic button for me is that if you check Cemiles profile, she joined the site to ask how to send money to Turkey, seemed strange for a first post.

i would never send or give any turkish men any money, ive heard some horror stories from my mother who lives there, but mainly from older women who fall for these young turks, someone she knows gave her boyfriend £7000 as he said he needed it to get himself out of going in the army and had got the dr into trouble for signing false medical papers etc. to cut a long story short this guy was too old for the army and was married so it was all lies, this happened before my mother knew this english lady. but i wanted to say i do know of some good marriages too

ellie_meg wrote:

gave her boyfriend £7000 as he said he needed it to get himself out of going in the army and had got the dr into trouble for signing false medical papers etc. to cut a long story short this guy was too old for the army and was married so it was all lies

That is serious money, Karen. It is a worry, I know what you mean about it often being older women that they are after for money. I think with the young girls they are often content with you know what and an offchance of a visa.

Of course there are some successful relationships/marriages between Turkish men and British women: but sadly they are in the minority.

Some Turkish men choose to work in the resorts specifically to meet western women. Similar to the young girls who travel to Bangkok to work - they know they will meet western men who (to them) are wealthy and can possibly get them a visa for the UK.

You see scores of young men in their early 20's flirting with women in their 40's/50's/60's or even 70's! Those men are not attracted to the women - they are attracted to their purses. And it doesn't stop there - they will flirt with young women too (late teens/early 20's) even if that girl isn't particularly attractive; but they don't care about that - they hope to get free sex and possibly a few little gifts thrown in too! If the girl falls for all his patter he'll go the whole hog and ask her to marry him, knowing full well she will ask her parents' to sponsor him to come to the UK.

Surprisingly, one of the most feted type of woman is the married one. The middle-aged couple sat in the bar/restaurant looking as though the sparkle fizzled out of their marriage long ago are prime pickings for these gigolos. They are adept at spotting a woman who craves a bit of attention because her marriage has lost its sparkle - and they love to target THOSE women!!

They'll sneakily wink at her behind her husband's back; whisper to her that she is beautiful when the husband has gone to the loo..................but soon as he's back he'll slap the husband's back and say: "Hello! My friend!!!"

He'll slip the wife his mobile number and before long (if they haven't already sneaked away for a quick kneejerker) they'll be 'dating' by text or MSN. After a few months the wife will suddenly announce to her unsuspecting hubby that she fancies a 'girls' holiday'.............to Turkey! And that's when the Turk really gets his claws into her.

She'll go back to the UK, file for divorce - while Mr Turk waits patiently for her divorce settlement! Soon as she's got it it goes straight into HIS account (for business reasons - and becasue 'this is Turkey' ) and once he's opened up his new restaurant/bar or bought a new apartment he DUMPS her!

I have heard of TWO women at this very moment who are homeless and penniless in Turkey due to this same scenario. Don't think it can't happen to you - because these men are very cunning and sly, and for some strange reason when women go to Turkey all that false flattery from waiters and barmen seems to go to their head faster than a triple strength Sex On The Beach cocktail!

Strawberry

The case that I mentioned in passing, at my work the woman ended up on her own as well, but over here not in Turkey. I suppose that is marginally better than being homeless and penniless in Turkey. The 'husband' is still over here.

It wasn't my first post, i've been here a bit before but couldn't for the life of me think what my username was or password so was slightly stuck....
I have a bit of a trust issue with him obviously because i listen to all the stories going around about turkish men, and am shamed to say that seeing him trying to get girls into the bar gave me a touch of the green eyed monster and thought it obviously wasn't very serious so told him that. He bought the rings to prove that he was serious and i saw him talking to the jeweller and theyre engraved so can't be from another english person. And if another girl were to buy him a present, i doubt a christian cross would be high on the list of things to get a muslim :s.
Obviously he wants to be with me but he wants me to go over there. Another reason why i'm confused why people think they're just in it for the visa, could it not possibly be that they want to be with the woman they love?
Like i've said it think it would be wise of me just to finish things now before i get too attached and i think i will but i'd love to know why people think that every turkish man is some monster who is incapable of falling in love with anyone.
I know you don't know me and it may be irrelevant but i'm not one of these girls who goes to turkey looking for a man, i don't flirt with the turks like its the last thing i'll ever do like some girls do and i constantly get commented on how intelligent i am (sorry if i sound arrogant, i'm really not) so if he was going to pick a girl on the basis of who's easiest to fleece, as a young lad who has only been working a few years i honestly don't know why he hasn't just had his pick from the numerous slappers over there. He knows i love him but he also knows that its not so unconditional that i will put up with some of the things the turks try to pull. Including sending him money which i'm not going to do...

Hi Cemile

I'm sure you will make the right decision for you. I hope I didn't give you the impression that I though you are 'one of those kind of girls who goes to Turkey looking for a man'. I never felt that at all and you never came across that way in your posts, I am sure you are intelligent and a nice person. Nobody has said every Turkish man is a monster it's just that their own experiences and those of friends have made them feel it is better to err on the side of caution.

Re. it not being your first post and creating yourself another account on HT, if you pm a moderator or admin, I think they can check your IP and reinstate you on your old username and password, so that you don't have multiple accounts.

Good Luck, whatever you decide.

Hey,
Sorry if i come across a bit defensive *embarassed face* but the general consensus between the turks and most english people in turkey is that the young english girls (and some of the older ones) are a bit footless and fancy free to put it nicely and i hate being thought of as like that which is why im quite militant on the subject :P. I see these girls getting played every year, where the boys they are with have two different girls a night. Maybe i'm just being naive but i think the fact that i'm not like that could affect the situation slightly as i've been told (nastily by some of them) that i'm more like a turkish girl than an english one.
Thanks for all the advice though, it really is appreciated. Without it i may have just gone on oblivious to the fact i was being trapped. There's a lady who always seems to be there when we are who we kind of made friends with and i went with her and her fiance and another turk to get their engagement rings, as the other turk is a friend who didn't want to be stuck with them, and she told him she was buying the rings and now he asks us when we go over which of his two girlfriends he should pick based on who has more money! That is scary...
I think i'll see what happens this summer; i shall have my ears open and my eyes peeled and the slightest thing he does that sets off the alarm bells i'll finish it. I really do like him but i've always been very independant (which is why it's nice knowing your boyfriend isn't in the same country as you :D) and the whole controlling thing is a bit much anyway...

Cemile ,follow your heart , yes there are some people on here who have had bad expieriences in one way or another ,but they made there own mistakes ,not every young man is a wolf in sheeps clothing .Last year my wife and i was in marmaris ,we went to this restaurant for an evening meal and i got talking to one of the waiters ,he asked me where i came from and when i told him Scotland , he said his wife was from Scotland and she was expecting there first baby , straight away i thought the worse that his wife would go back to the uk to have the baby on the N.H.S ,not atall he told me his baby would be born in turkey and when i said to him it must cost a fortune to have and kit out a baby over in turkey , his reply was i have made arrangments to pay for my baby ,turns out after serving his national service in the army and having been out for over two years ,he re enlisted ,he told me he gets £2,000 in his hand ,i said thats good plus your weekly wage that will see you alright , no he replied no wages ,only toothpaste money ,to me that was commitment ,so not all turkish guys are bad . I hope you come to the right decision ,but it should be your decision ,take care.

Bluepeterno1

No Cecile, you didn't come across as too defensive, so no need to be embarassed at all. From your story of the guy saying he is going to choose a girlfriend based on which has most money and you finding that 'scary' it shows you have got your head on the right way. I'm not to sure about the 'follow your heart' advice though, that may be OK but I really think you need to have your 'brain in gear' as well if you are thinking of making the relationship more serious. Also when you mention the 'whole controlling thing being a bit to much' sounds like you have doubts.
Doe.

Read a small article in a mag just last night. A lady telling of her meeting someone in Turkey when she least expected it - met his family, blah, blah. Was there with her young daughter. Went back to see him for a week, he proposed, she accepted. 4 months later married and moved over there with daughter in tow.

I mean - I believe in true love and all that but what's with the rush - and when you've a young daughter??????

Sorry but I just don't get how mature and sensible women sometimes just up and leave everything they have for some bloke - never mind one that's abroad who you've known about 3 weeks in total.

I do actually hope it works out for her, but as I've seen many times in such mags - they are often back a year or two later with a 'don't make the mistake I made' article.......... that, of course goes for those leaping into commitment with blokes here as well when they hardly know them........

My mums partner works a Turkish man, he meet an English girls in Turkey about 2 years ago when she was on holiday with her mates... she went back every few months to see him then they eneded up getting married within 6 months of knowing each other...... he moved to Manchester with her, he works with my mums parter and at a Christmas party told my mums partner he only married her for a visa..... he is now out every weekend with no wedding ring telling everyone that he is single!!!