"does anyone remember the ad about a reptile doing a funny " hot hot hot"dance..think it was for budwiezer!...well...thats me, trying to look elegant and sleek on my way to the sea from my sunbed...but never quite mastering how to do it....cos half way there i have to to a "phoebe from friends" like dash to get there ...to cool off my poor burnt feet..and if thats not enough..i have to do it all again to get back to my sunbed...dont get me started on how to get all the wet sand from between my toes!!!!! "

Miss P I actually DO that. I mean you can hear me going 'hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot' until I get to the poolside. I have never, ever forgotten that ad.

Perhaps we should all just go to the same place together and try and outnumber the bronzed goddesses but we will enjoy ourselves and not care about how we look and have a good time!

I made the mistake last year of trying to get onto a Li lo . I was so god damm hot in turkey last summer with my red sweaty face and my primark hairband to scrape my equaly sweaty hair off my face that I decided sunbathing would have to be taken into the pool.

after trying to get onto it in the pool with no luck and deciding there was no way I was going to dive at it like my sons they informed me that the easist way to get on a li lo in dignified fashion was to bring said li lo to the edge of the pool .,lay on the poolside and gently edge yourself on , legs first. Easy I thought and by this time I could see all the sunbathers had taken an interest in that stupid mad, whale of a woman that couldnt even manage to get on a li lo. .I layed down , got half way on and it toppled straight over with me and my legs flying everywhere. Under I went and came up coughing and spluttering with my boobs hanging out . Not a pretty sight

no chick lady would ever ever do that .

I tried something similar to that Lyn in Crete a few years back. Trying to get into the middle of a large (well it would have to be) rubber ring from the side of the swimming pool in an area that was out of my depth.

My friends youngest son undertook to help me and try and balance the retched thing, as I was making such a bish of it, but to no avail, then other peoples kids came over to try and help. At least we are all putting in a lot of effort to have a good time. Even if 'the look' is somewhat less than chic.

ive just submitted something on this thread...it hasnt shown up..does anyone no why this would happen xx

There is a post from you at 11.35 Miss P, is that the one ? Sometimes if two people submitt at eactly the same time the screen seems to jump.

What I find annoying is that whenever we are on holiday in Goa, I am sure I am the fattest woman around the pool and on the beach. I am not the size of a spacehopper but we get a lot of Russian women at the hotel who are all beautiful and slim. They make me feel twice the size I am. They wear so much jewellery (tasteful though) that they jingle when they walk.

One year there was a beautiful slim Russian woman, probably a gymnast staying at the hotel. I knew she was probably a gymnast because she was standing around the pool doing her exercises in front of everyone. One exercise involved her standing there on one leg with the other one up by her ear. It isn't that I was jealous but I thought "go on fall over you skinny bint" and "I hope you need elastic in your waist bands when you are my age".

Whenever I want to swim at that hotel, I have to suck in my belly and rush to get into the pool before I have to let it out again.

I tend to suffer from prickly heat and its nearly always worse under my boobs; that with the sun factor 40 and the sand makes me feel really uncomfortable.

In spite of wearing sun factor 40 all over, I always burn especially my nose. My other half and I never tan like everyone else seems to. Even at the end of of our holiday, we have beach sellers asking us if we have just arrived. Cheek!

I have learned not to take clothes made of polyester or viscose because in a humid environment it makes me feel even hotter and makes my sunburn glow even more. I tend to get the locals laughing at my glowing face.

I shall stop taking cropped trousers with me because in spite of what the fashionistas saying they are really trendy, they are not if you are 5'4" tall, short in body and 12 1/2 stone and you are wearing flat shoes. I look like a bowling ball. It is only a matter of time before someone sticks their fingers up my nose and tries to roll me down the road!

Sarongs- forget it. I look like a bag of potatoes.

Flip flops. No, I am so clumsy I fall over whilst wearing them. It isn't a pretty sight seeing an overweight woman lying there with her bum in the air.

I don't think I will ever be chic. Sob!

Aw girls, I can't tell you how much you've made me proper belly laugh at these posts !
we should stick them in a book !
I remember last year buying a pair of bright orange 'mock crocs' thinking I'd look funky in them , why oh why ?
Then laughing my socks off seing a BLOKE wearing some !
Yet on the beach in tenerife this easter, the sunbed fella and fruit seller were wearing them ( not orange) and they looked totally cool !
Doe, I did the same as you with the oversized sunnies this time, I spent all holiday looking like an owl, not a good look !

I shall for evermore think of that as my 'Owl Look' juby. What is really sad is that I remember that look from my honeymoon in Kos 20 odd years ago and have the pictures to prove it. but am still doing it now. Will I never learn.

I also bought some crocs last year, got swept up with all the postings on here I suppose, must admitt I didn't actually take them away with me. Slim long brown legs even look cool in crocs though, but I am not so sure about my white somewhat dumpy variety.

GIRLS.... I have never laughed so much at posts as I have at these ones. How funny and how true!!!

At least us British have got a sense of humour!!!! (looking like we do, we NEED one)

Denny

This thread is hilarious, biggest laugh I've had all day, I've spotted myself in nearly everypost.
A few years ago, I had a wee win so I had money to splash out and buy some designer gear. My favourite was an FCUK skirt, it was gorgeous, had a lovely pink top to match and also found some FCUK sandals which was the same pink as the flowers in the skirt. Well I came down to the restaurant one evening all dolled up with matching accesories, hubby and son said I looked lovelly. We sat down at the table and this woman swanned past us with a skirt which was very nearly identical to mine, we both looked at each other and she said to me, "Eeeeeee, who else has been to matalan then!" I was mortified Hubby nearly choked on his san migel. I just wanted to scream at her FCUK!!!! bet she paid peanuts for hers as well. Oh well.

A polite person would have complimented you on your exquisite taste.

Another thing chic women never do is buy a new pair of leather mule type sandals for comfy travelling, then arrive in resort with feet like great big comedy trotters cos they've rubbed you so much.

Only to find out you've spent all day travelling with a pair of shoes on which still had their cardboard inners in the front.

In fact, chic ladies don't get blisters.

comedy trotters ! love it !
chic ladies also never sit on the plane on the way home picking the sunburn scabs off the tops of their ears . never ever.
or sit round the pool, whip a mirror out and start squeezing their zits,
or tweezer out stray bikini line hair in full view of other holidaymakers by the pool.
I hasten to add I have NEVER done the above two ( only the ear thing ), but have seen it done, oooh I go to some nasty places !

Had a really horrid day at work felt really depressed .... just found this topic and its really made me laugh.... so so true.....

Brilliant topic!!!

I love that so many of us are people watchers. Things I would add are...

1) airline travel.......you know the people who always looked perfectly pressed, not a crease with immaculate make up. Whereas I look as if I haven't slept in a week with smudged mascara and an oily face and as if I don't own an iron.

2) totally agree with the organised sun lounger post......there towels are always immaculate on the bed....mine is rucked up and.....everything of mine gets covered in sand!

3) Re the Italians though, my OH worked in Italy and he swore that the women would avoid overt facial expressions so as not to get wrinkles...honestly!

Now, the one thing I will get booed for now is that I am of British decendence but am rather olive in skin tone....so I am one of those who gets an enviable tan. However not so chic....went out last holiday and thought I felt odd...looked down and skirt had completely split open round the zip....cheap shopper I am!!!!!!!

Class act this... went to gran canaria last year and going down a water shoot at the water park elegantly is impossible!! I was terrified!!! My bikini bottoms went up my bum and also exposed my top half (accidently!!) with the force of the water! Tried desperatley to compose myself at the bottom of the shoot with life guards watching in horror!! I was so embarresed. Needless to say I havent been down a water shoot again

micky..i had an experience with a water chute in spain to...one of those were you go down part of it and come to a pool area...the current is supposed to send you over the edge to the next part of the chute....sent me over the edge!!!!!....mentally!...i couldnt get out of the damn thing!!!!!try as i might and with as much dignity and composure as possible..i just couldnt get out!!! my other half

had been down the chute 4 more times...and yep...there was me .....still there...spinning round...a right doughnut...not so chic at all! the moral of the story is...only do water chutes if you want to completely make an ape of yourself!!! this thread is the funniest ever....made my day

These posts have really made me laugh out loud.

I wear things on holiday and think this is a mess I will not wear this again but will not throw it out when I come home, I am now going to look at last years photos and see if I can remember the clothes I hated.

Thanks for the laughs.

Linda