Bless you all ladies for giving me a great laugh. There are however some English ladies who buck the trend: some years ago I was in Tunisia and an English lady in my hotel was always immaculately turned out - full makeup and beautifully styled hair stiff with laquer. She was actually very nice indeed, even if it did take her a couple of hours to get ready each morning, but looked completely out of place amongst all the rest of us mere mortals. I have never learned how to tie a sarong elegantly, but equally I hate walking around in a swimsuit with all my wobbly bits on show so I may have to invest in a burkha

My friend and I have had many a laugh with this conversation over the years.

I buy things thinking I'll be the belle of the ball and end up looking like a sack tied in the middle. For ages I took matching belts and necklaces etc just to find out I didn't look as swish as what I envisioned

Many's the time I've looked enviously at the cool, neat, evenly tanned goddess on the neighbouring sunbed, with her smooth towel and cool exterior. She never moves so how come she doesn't have beads of sweat pouring from every pore?

Then along the beach comes a pushchair laden down with Tesco carrier bags. The weight is so intense the pushchair cannot be pushed. The pusher is usually sporting a vest and there's a red stripe down the front of their legs which are lilly white at the back.

I've given up trying the cool look now and just wear my gold every day necklace and bracelet. I take loads of linen 3/4 cut off's and a mixture of matching plain T shirts and 'melt' in the background. My husband doesn't give a fig what anyone thinks - he has always just worn what he feels comfortable in and 'tough' if they don't like his style

I honestly could never see the point of being "clarted" in makeup on the beach. Likewise with necklaces and bracelets- all that does is leave white lines I used to like being dressed to the nines in the evening. Now- more to do with my choice of holiday- I wear what I feel comfortable in. For instance, there is absolutely no point in dressing up in Goa. You would just look out of place. (Mind you, after going through T5 I didn't have anything to wear anyway!!)

I cringe at the sort of things I used to do when I was in my 20s on holiday abroad.

Although we are talking about the latter part of the 1980s, good quality foundation was expensive to me so I could only afford Rimmel or Covergirl. Anyone who remembers wearing them in the 80s may remember how thick, gloopy and oily they were. As I was really pale I used to wear a thick covering of foundation on the beach and then complain that it bought me out in spots. It never occurred to me that as the rest of my body was lily white, my dark brown face looked odd. Also, I never blended my foundation into my neck because I didn't like the sticky feeling so as a consequence I had tide marks.

I would wear a lot of eye make up including the trendy (not) light blue mascara.

I would wear a lot of smelly such as Boots' own Blase or even Charlie. I would put so much on that every fly for miles would track me down.

Now I go down to the beach with a little mascara and lip balm and a squirt of my favourite smelly of the time.

Changing the subject, has anyone seen anyone wearing crocs with socks? I have and guess what they were British. I have a pair of crocs which I am only allowed to wear on holiday, in the garden and in doors. My other half refuses to be seen out with me if I try to wear them to Sainsbury. I know they are ugly, but they are comfortable and they keep my feel cool.

I must admit it does make me chuckle when you see people who have travelled thousands of miles who rather than buying themselves a cheap beach bag, have about four Tesco carrier bags to take their towels etc down to the beach. I tend to use the free bags you get with magazines.

There is a fine line between 'typical brit woman on her hols' and 'chavdom' though.

We recognise most or all of the above in ourselves but when you delve into territory of hair braiding on grown adults, temporary tatoos on grown adults, wearing of football shirts on grown adult women etc. I think the line has been crossed.

Now, each to their own I say, but this is about not quite getting the chicness rather than obvious brit stereotyping.

I apologise in advance to anyone who has their hair braided in European holiday resorts by the way.............

PS. Had mine done 15 years ago in Dominican but that's okay cos it's caribbean.

This topic is brilliant!! Not laughed so much in ages.

It has inspired me though to go into town today and update my holiday clothes collection

And cheers to the free bags that come with magazines (with fashion pages that you could never afford unless you cancelled the holiday).

I'm often taken for being a 'local' in southern Europe because of the olive skin tone to my complexion and I have a reputation amongst friends for being chic and stylish - but no longer with those who witnessed the following incident this summer in Cuba! A small group of us took advantage of one of our free afternoons on an intensive dance holiday to escape the humidity of Santiago in July and go up to a freshwater swimming pool in the hills. I immediately changed into the swimsuit and carfeully co-ordinated flip-flops and sarong that of course matched the straw bag etc and thought I looked the picture of elegance - right dowon to the co-ordinated discreet stud earrings.

On the basis of having visited it 2 years previously I assured everybody that the pool was no more than 4ft deep anywhere, went over to the side of the pool closest to us, carefully folded the sarong and placed it under the flip-flops on the side of the pool, sat down beside a 3-generation cuban family and gently slid myself over the edge fully expecting that the water would come no higher than shoulder level at most. I imagined a gentle, elegant descent prior to doing a ladylike breaststroke that would keep the hair and mascaraed eyelashes out of the water. Except, at this one point in the pool, it was 8ft deep! So I gently disappeared under the surface and kept on going down long after I expected my feet to touch the bottom - I might have got away with it had I stayed under water a bit longer and started swimming immediately and gently surfaced in the middle of the pool. But no, as soon as my feet touched the bottom I instinctively pushed straight back up again and emerged with a sudden whoosh, feeling and no doubt looking like a spluttering half drowned rat! Forget the elegant chignon, my hair was now hanging down all round my very red face, shedding hair pins all over the place and the mascara was running down my cheeks. And since I hadn't expected to have to hold my breath, spouting lungfuls of water that I was trying to desperately cough up before God knows what bugs in this naturally stream-filled pool invaded my system!

But this wasn't the worst bit! The worst bit was realising that this had all been keenly witnessed by the Cuban family and Dad and Grandad were hotly debating who should jump in to save the crazy English lady from drowning. It sorely tested my pidgin Spanish trying to explain that I really was waving not drowning, that I was an excellent swimmer who had merely been taken by surprise and that nobody needed to rescue me. But for the rest of the afternoon I had to put up with them keeping an eagle eye on me, just in case I did something else equally stupid as well being ribbed by my friends who kept miming the scene they'd witnessed from their safe and dry vantage points on their sunbeds in order to show me just how stupid and stupified I'd looked when I shot back up to the surface. It's going to take a bit more than a few linen shift dresses and co-ordinated accessories to regain that chic and stylish reputation with them!

SM

PS re the 'how to look good in a sarong' question, the answer is not to take the two corners and tie them together. Doing this has the effect of pulling it tight, round and under your bum at the back - not a good look on anybody other than the really skinny - or those with the confidence to carry off the J-Lo look. A friend from Kenya demonstrated why African women always look so much better. The trick is to take one corner in your left hand and then with your right hand pull up just enough of the top edge of the sarong to form a little 'ear' and use this to tie the knot. This leaves you with the right hand corner and spare fabric hanging loose. You can then either leave this as it is to create a draping effect, pull it across as a wrap around panel and tuck it in and thus making sure that it doesn't flap and keeps your legs covered, or if it is long enough, pleat it before tucking it in in the way that saris are. This leaves it much looser around your bum whether you wear it at your waist or pulled up over you boobs.

Another way of doing it is to leave both top corners loose and just pull-up enough fabric from the top edge to form two 'ears' and tie these together leaving two drapes to either hang loose or be tucked in to right and left and hence overlapping either side of the knot. If you've tied it above your boobs, this is a really good way of avoiding the front opening up as you wlk along and making anything other than the flattest of tummies looking like a pregant bulge poking through the gap! But her best tip of all was to not buy the typical beach sarong sold in the UK unless you are quite thin because they are too small and for anybody who's a size 16 or bigger there just isn't enough fabric to tie them elegantly. Her advice was to buy a length of light fabric at least twice but preferably two and half times the size of your hips and hem the ends yourself because this then gives you enough spare fabric to tie it up the first way as suggested above and then either wrap the loose end right round you to give you the look of a complete wrap around skirt or else pleat it in the front and disguise your tummy.

Good to know that even the 'chic' can be taken unawares at times Sma.

I will reread the sarong tips though. I was nodding my head on every bit of 'you shouldn't....'.

So far as the chicness goes, even if I can improve my evening attire (whilst still keeping casual, we are not aiming for the dressed up like a dog's dinner look that is sometimes taken on by ladies of all nationalities, dripping in gold and basically inappropriate for a hot country) I am really fine with looking like a bag lady during the day.

Despite Sma's excellent sarong advice I still can't work out how to tie one - probably why I don't bother wearing a sarong - I can't tie the blighter's.

Less is definitely more with jewellery.

I recently went on a short break with 13 girls 2 of whom I reckon could have worn a bin bag and looked great - I think some figures can just carry clothes to their full advantage. My cousin was one of those in question. We'd taken a few scarves and cousin Linda could pick up any scarf and with a few twirls make her outfit look 80% more chic - mine looked just fell out and dangled with every attempt.

I think Glynis has got it bang on when she says some people could wear a sack and still look good. I, unfortunately, am not one of these women although my daughter is . They are usually small and thin or tall and thin unlike me, apple shaped and short, not much looks good on that shape although I keep trying. One glance from these creatures is enough to make me promise to lose weight - as soon as I get home, that's when they bother to look in my direction. I recognised myself in most of these posts which has helped my confidence no end. Always wondered how the timeshare touts, promotion guys, holiday club maggots etc always know we are British and I haven't spoke a word, now I know. Mind you when 'people watching' while on holiday we like to play 'spot the Brit' and rarely get it wrong. From people watching I have decided that alot of us Brits are wearing clothes that are just to damn small for us (myself included) and its not a good look or comfy. Why can't they bring in clothing for small, overweight women that looks good? The pushchair laiden down with Tesco bags made me laugh out loud I think we've all seen that a thousand times over while on holiday. Brilliant topic

From people watching I have decided that alot of us Brits are wearing clothes that are just to damn small for us (myself included) and its not a good look or comfy.

And dare I say it - just too damn cheap? Perhaps our love affair with Primark and the like has gone on for too long? Last summer I bought 3 pairs of Primark linen trousers to wear at the dance classes in Cuba and by the end of the fortnight they were like dishclothes. I've never worn them since because they look so disreputable within such a short time of putting them on - limp, baggy and crumpled in an instant. But fair enough I did only pay £8 a pair for them in contrast to the other two pairs I paid nearly £50 a pair for the previous summer. But I'm still wearing the latter and will get a good few more summers out of them because even though they do crease easily - they are 100% linen after all - the fabric is of much better quality, the cut is excellent, they hold their shape and they come up like new each time they are washed and pressed. In the end they were a much better buy and the cost per wear is probably going to work out much less than the Primark ones.

Please don't get me wrong - I love a bargain as much as anybody but this and a few similar experiences have made me realise that the best bargain is not necessarily the cheapest item. I've come to the conclusion that it really is worthwhile spending more per item and contenting myself with fewer clothes hanging up in the wardrobe. A recent trip to Seville where we ended up doing a lot of browsing in the shops, because of the bad weather, also made me think that this is perhaps the secret of Euro chic - Spanish women are always incredibly well turned out but they also do seem to spend more on their clothes (and not just because of the Euro exchange rate) than we do and overall the quality was so much higher. I am also aware that I at least also have the choice between buying one pair of trousers at double the cost of all three pairs of Primark ones and that for many people the choice is between one pair of Primark's and none at all. I'm not knocking it - just trying to point out that in the end we get what we pay for and only that.

SM

PS I'm not one of the tall and willowy ones myself, Jimnliz, and find that whilst not cheap, the European and US ranges aimed at the larger woman are brilliantly flattering. PM me if you'd like to continue that conversation off-line.

Hi
Just to say this thread really made me laugh
I get a what I call " a rodney radish " face if I attempt to walk any distance in the heat, if I wear a hat of any sort I look ridiculous, how come some can wear anything on their heads and look okay........................not me :
M

The average Spanish woman doesn't have the money to spend on expensive clothes, the youngsters living at home and still supported by their families might, and the mature woman whose family has grown up may....they'd rather spend it on their kids, except for a special occasion like a wedding, and apart from the professionals, most Spanish women are working part-time in low paid jobs to supplement their husbands low income.

The Spanish have a knack of buying the right clothes to suit their body, rather than following the fashion which may be designed for someone half their age, and most señoras that looking stunning in their 20's they have couple of kiddies and then tend become large ladies, and as the Spanish are not a tall race, any extra pounds show up very easily.
The previous Spanish Health Minister Elena Salgado actually took it upon herself to stop manufacturers from making clothes in size 12 and 14's only, and to produce clothes that are suitable for the average large Spanish lady and realistically sized, she also stopped mannequins of alien proportions from being displayed in shop windows, in a attempt to help curb weight-related disorders such as anorexia, "¦.so you won't find a mature woman dressed like "mutton dressed as lamb"

You wouldn't find a Señora wearing a bikini if she didn't have the body to support it and neither would she wear a swimsuit that was not made for her shape, and you won't find her hop, skipping and jumping topless from off the sunbed to the edge of the sea with her two fried eggs or puppy dogs ears flapping about.

They look after themselves better than we do because they are not foolish enough to spend all day under the sun, and they'd rather spend money on creams, lotions and potions for their skin and hair"¦.after all, if you've got the body then the rest will take care of itself, and a sack will look good on you.

The do have the knack of appreciating that accessories can make or break an outfit regardless of its cost, they don't wear clothes that are either too small or too large for them just because it's the fashion trend of the day and the Spanish men that I know wouldn't let their partner drag a buggy over the sand"¦.he'd do it.
The youngsters are a different generation, but the Spanish I know, they know how to behave and never get sloshed out of their heads, I think it is called decorum.
I'm often mistaken for being Spanish, probably because of my skin tone and I wear clothes similiar to the Spanish EG: my wrap and poncho coat.

You can take the girl out of Britain, but you'll never take Britain out of the girl.

My top rules for dressing/behaving on holiday (or in the uk!)

Never show boobs and legs on a night out however tanned you are! Its one or the other!
If you wear a triangle type bikini, never tie the halter neck string part round your back under your arm pits...it makes your boobs look funny!
Never wear polyester!
Never wear very high heals with linen trousers! Should be fip flops for sure!
Dress your age!
Never use plastic carrier bags to carry things to the beach!
Always have nice toe nails and finger nails!
Never shout across the pool (or anywhere) like a fish wife!
Leave trackie bottoms at home! No no no no no!!!

Anyone else live by any fashion rules??

aw girls, I am so glad I started this thread, you have all made me laugh so much, and of course, realised that I am not alone with my fashion sense !
When I go to Fuengirola in july, I am determined to look great ! I know its not gonna happen, but , do you know what ? I'll have an inner peace knowing I'm not the only lady in spain not knowing how to be 'chic' !
Tell you what though, I really, really will have a great time and think of your stories next time I make a fashion 'feux par' ! lol !
going back to a poster who talked about 80's make - up, I am gonna give my daughter my 'heather shimmer' lipstick ( yes, I still have some ) as a retro relic, when she's old enough to wear it !
c'mon , guys, why haven't you contributed ?
we all know you wear stuff abroad that your mates would rather bbq there own eyeballs than admit to wearing !
bring it on !
juby

I always think the German women look well groomed on holiday. Some German women can be large as they seem to be a big boned race - but they do look smart.

They tan well also. Mind you, last year in the Algarve there were 3 large German women all with cropped haircuts and black bathers. They were clones of each other. I'd noticed them going down to the sea for a 'cool' and thought 'wow they have some tan'. They were practically walnut in colour. However - as we were leaving the beach we passed them in a row on their sunbeds - literally shining in oil - urghhhh.

juby 5 wrote:

'heather shimmer' lipstick

I used to buy this and they had all 'shimmer' coloured matching nail varnishes.

Loved it. Loved it. We were just so trendy.

If it's good enough for Kate Moss its good enough for me.
Please can someone tell me what a muffin top is ? I am sure I must have one either about my person or in my wardrobe. Is it the latest must have for the 'euro chic' or 'the can you tell I'm British' ?

Please someone put me out of my misery or I shall have to resort to google.

I'm worried incase I have to spend my meager holiday budget on one (or two possibly).

Doe

haha, nice one , doe, I have to admit, I do favour rimmel in the lipstick stakes, but I veered off a bit in about 1996 to buy no7 poncho pink !
oh..... my.... god.... I believe I'm stuck in a time warp ! but, hey, I consider myself retro rather than old !
blimey, I'm only 41, but with the mental age of 22 ! lol !
bring back bathing caps with flowers on for the beach, then we'll give the 'euro chic ' ladies something to worry about !