Managing Director
XXXXXXXXX Resort

Dear sir/madam

I write this letter in thanks and appreciation. My fiance and I recently spent four days at your XXXXXXXX Resort. Or as we now affectionately refer to it, the XXXXXXXX Resort.

You see, upon our entry into our deluxe room, we couldn't help but wonder if the previous occupant had been none other than that famous denizen of Hollywood's dark and murky waters. Though I doubt even a return from a dip in Black Lagoon could have resulted in such a spectacular display as the dark and unidentifiable substance smeared across everything from balcony walls to the shower curtain. Not one to focus on life's negatives however, I shall be true to my word and continue with this message of gratitude.

Firstly, I must congratulate the decision to equip your gardeners with edge trimmers. It is possibly the finest example of lateral thinking I have ever encountered. With 300 acres of lawn both within and surrounding the XXXXXXXX Resort, the first thing that might normally come to mind when maintaining such a large expanse would be a ride-on lawn mower. But obviously you are much more empathetic to the wellbeing of local labourers than I. Indeed, why employ one person to mow three hectares in one hour, when you can make a far greater contribution to the local economy with the employment of four gardeners working six hours a day for two days to accomplish the same end. What's more, that you should be so generous as to employ their services on the mornings of a long weekend celebrating a major regional public holiday, further adding to your staffs' financial benefit. The endless hours of noise, dust and smoke invading our room were barely enough to lessen our admiration.

Next, let me thank your for the quality of the cuisine at the XXXXXXXX Resort restaurants. Never before had I tasted a two-kilogram snapper of such fine delicacy as to be worth 80 dollars. Indeed, I still have not. But it was a privilege in itself just to behold such a splendid specimen. Until that most wonderful weekend I had in fact knot even known a creature of such culinary exquisiteness could exist. Likewise the 40 dollar sirloin, 26 dollar beef sandwich and 4 dollar can of soft drink. I must also congratulate you on the quality of training you have given to your restaurant staff. I have always been a firm believer in the notion of persistence paying. On no less than three occasions over the period of our stay were we approached and asked to pay for a dinner we did not have. Some guests may have found such advances insulting and even vulgar, but as I have said, I am not one to get bogged down with such negativity.

On returning to our room one evening after a particularly enjoyable 48-dollar dinner of bread rolls and the finest packet butter I have had privilege to taste, my fiance and I decided to spend some quality time together on our sea-facing balcony. And I use the term "sea-facing" only in so much as it can be said that one standing upon a sand dune in Central Australia and looking toward the west will be facing in the direction of the Atlantic. How we marveled as we recounted the fantastic tales of old seafarers, while we sat beneath our flickering balcony light and gazed across the half-mown lawn at nature's magnificent green tangle standing resplendent between ourselves and the distant ocean.

On the subject of our accommodation, I must also thank you for the surprise we received upon our check in. My fiance was delighted to discover that the room we had booked had not been vacated by the previous guests. We were told that our new room, three levels lower than that we had booked, would suffice. One can only implore every hotel to employ such a quick-thinking, eye-rolling receptionist as that in the XXXXXXXX Resort. His thoughtful decision vastly reduced our beach transit time in the elevator to no more than eighteen seconds. What's more, our new room, conveniently located beside the all-night partiers and screaming triplets, ensured we weren't to waste one moment of our desperately-needed holiday on such idle and pointless activities as sleep. We both agreed that the money you saved by constructing the walls and ceilings within the XXXXXXXX Resort from such cheap and thin materials was much better spent on the employment of your army of lawn mowers.

Then there were your astonishing array of activities and facilities. Astonishing in that on top of the three hundred dollars a night we had paid for our black-stained, tree-facing room, every single activity down to five minutes of table tennis came at an additional cost. This was wonderful. Just imagine the dangers involved with trying to wrestle one of your rusted jet skis after 48 hours without sleep. Or the difficulty in attempting the 20-dollars-for-13-arrows archery with eyes as bloodshot as ours. Not to mention what one might have been tempted into doing during the cocktail classes. Thank you XXXXXXXX Resort for always looking out for our wellbeing.

And finally, and perhaps most importantly, thank you for the friendliness of your staff. Straightforward and always to the point, they were never people to beat around the bush. Your staff and in particular the concierge, were always ready with an answer, no matter complex or simple our queries were. Perhaps that isn't so surprising, given that every answer offered by the staff of XXXXXXXX Resort was always, always, "No". From enquiring about transportation to other parts of the island to a request for housekeeping, your staff remained reassuringly consistent throughout the duration of our memorable stay.

Thank you XXXXXXXX Resort for a most wonderful four days. It was without a doubt the best one star resort we have ever visited.
You memory will remain with us always.