Good to see you back with us ladyjan!
Looks like it is time to get tough. I would say that you have already helped him in his business and can not afford to give him any more. ( I'm assuming you don't want to get too tough!) And maybe another taxi driver in March? He knows he is taking advantage!
Not an easy thing to do- but even if you did send money, you know he'll just ask for more.

thanks fiona its good to be back ,,got so many questions i needed answering this site is my bible i will have to be tough i know ,but its still hard ,we are also expecting our first grandchild in october and spending like theres no tommorow ,,also 3 weeks holiday in marmaris end of month ,,so cash will have to be limited ,,i was hoping he wasnt taking advantage but its time to get real ,shame really its his loss, my fault really im such a soft touch i will buy the world and his friend sometimes ,but need to be sensible ,, ive just crashed the car into the drive wall more unexpected spending, will have to think about the text im going to send ,dont want to sound mean , i hope any 1 who reads this takes note and dont let youre heart rule youre head ,,xxxx jan

oh dear- about the car and congratulations on soon to become a grandparent! Good luck with the text.

A friend of mine got friendly with a waiter in a restaurant and gave him a big tip on their last day, he asked for their address so he could keep in touch, not long after she received a letter asking for some help as his sister was getting married and he didn't have enough money to pay for the wedding, needless to days she didn't send him anything.

You don't sound mean at all , I think he has a cheek when you have given him so much.

Hi....

Sorry to hear about your 'friend', I became far too aware of this a long time back and it's hard to find the really geniune or just someone who's just being friendly as they're wanting free gifts.... Strangely enough the one person we trust the most in Goa is a Taxi driver. He's very nice, well brought up and doesn't actually ask for anything, this doesn't mean we don't help him out though, we actually helped buy his own taxi. But I had to go through a lot of 'duds' before getting someone honest....

Anyway, onto my solution... Just reverse the scenario... Text/Ring him and say you've just crashed your car and you're stuck for money and see if he can lend you a hundred or two....
If he's a good friend then I'm sure he'll find a way to help.... Like anyone from England would... Don't think they need so much money, people here (Goa) can live on very little comfortably, the more they have the more they WASTE on things that aren't essential, Alcohol, Mobiles, TV, Stereos, Etc.... (Also say if he didn't TXT so much then he would save money!) Always have a look at someones phone, if they've got one then they probably doing fine, if it's a good one, then they've probably doing better than fine (a good way to go is oh, that's nice where I wouldn't mind one of those, where did you get it from? (Two answers, 1. Someone gave it me... Good answer, at least they're not wasting money on buying the phone 2. I bought it for 12,000 Rs/- Etc... Bad Answer!)..

You must remember that they get probably 1000's of 'punters' each year... Just think if 10% are giving £100, that's £1000! A nice little earner.

If you go to their house and see it bare, don't think they don't have much money, as they don't really go for 'clutter' over here... They buy a TV and probably a couple of plastic chairs... Nothing more...

we made friends with one of the beach girls and gave her clothes and toiletries and always buy our gifts from her , she asked for our address after our first visit and the letters came once we arrived home ,not actually asking for money but saying how poor they were and calling us her rich friends we didnt take the hint and just ignored the letters but we have returned 5 years in a row and still buy from her and help her out with clothes and shampoo etc.. the letters just stopped anita

Jan, if you are finding it difficult composing a text message refusing the driver any more money.

Then just make a mental image of him sitting in a bar with his taxi driver mates all bragging about the mugs they have encountered this season.

lez

Sadly what Rob says is very true I stayed in Goa for 3 months once and became close to a few people who when they found out I was due to leave started to give me some real sob stories, some of which almost had me believing. One of the beach lads said he needed money for a mobile phone, if I gave him £20 he could get one and use it for work, great I thought untill I saw him in Chapora one day absolutely off his head on Heroin. It wasn`t untill a few days later I saw him on the beach and asked if he remembered seeing me...... No....... His sister runs a shack on the beach and she told me never ever give anybody money, he had been an addict for 6 years and used the same sob story to many tourists so he could buy his fix. This year I took him a cheap second hand mobile phone and gave it him, he was over the moon and his sister told me he had been clean for 2 years now.
Next year I have promised(she never asked for anything) to take one of the beach girls to Mapsa market to buy her 2 youngest kids school uniforms as they start next year. By all means help those less fortunate but beware and always be on your guard against confidence tricksters.

i am sat here now feeling a right fool ,,how was i so stupid, ive sat and thought about it and remebered that in march we payed for him to fly to chennia with us to stay with an indian friend off the net ,,here he was treat like royalty as we were ,never needed to spend a penny,and it wasnt cheap ,his ticket cost more than ours unbeliveably,as for rob saying say you crashed the car ,i did on sunday night so that wouldnt be a lie xxx jan

Jan
you weren't a fool- just too soft hearted!

I ditto everything that has been said.

You don't get many really poor taxi drivers in Goa and it's true what Rob says that they don't go in for things like comfortable sofas etc.
Taxi drivers earn a LOT more than the guys working on the roads or construction sites and work a LOT LESS.

I have a Goan friend, lovely guy, he's never asked me for a penny (he now works in Dubai at a 5* and is doing very well), however his brother is a taxi driver - when the mood takes him!! I recall one time him being given a mobile phone by a couple that were also friends with his brother in Dubai, he smiled politely and put the phone in his pocket without even looking at it properly. When the couple left the taxi driver took the phone out and said to me "I wanted a smaller one with a camera on it". I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it just goes to show that to some people the milk of human kindness is not enough...they want the cream as well!!

I think it's time you put your "friend" straight...then you'll find out if he is a true friend or in it for what he can get.

GFF xx

Hi Jan dont beat yourself up you are a kind person and were more than good to the young man in goa ...he has become greedy and wants more ....
Re the car and the wall... dont worry we can get anouther car and get anouther wall but we cant get anouther you so stuff the car and the wall..
we are to become new grandparents in september to so with that
all the best (colleen)

I had an email recently from a 'friend' in Goa who needed £500 for his studies. We had only met this waiter once or twice. This seems to be common practice asking westerners for money. One waiter who we did give money to about 4 years ago keeps sending emails wanting more money to help his sick (?) family, if you give more they will expect more.

A lot of Indians want your address so that they can send begging letters (or emails). I'm just waiting for the phone call saying 'hello sir, I'm in England can you help me'. I'm sure it happens a lot. Much as I like their friendliness I don't think I could deal with an uninvited visitor!

My family are friends with a beach seller, and they told me what to expect when i went to Goa this year, but even after being warned i kind of fell for their sob stories, when the police took her wraps off her she came to me for the money to pay them, which i gave her, if i bought something off another beach seller she would get annoyed and it kind of went on like that, don't get me wrong she was a lovely girl but it was take take all the time. One day i asked her if she had a mobile and she said no so when i said ithought you had one as my mum had phoned her she said yes i do have one but i want a flip phone as when i'm on the bus and it rings i feel embarrased because it's not the latest phone, i thought thats just being greedy, i had given her loads since i had been there and my family have given her so much and she lied to me as she thought i would have bought her one, by the way she had a better phone than me. Another time when it was her birthday i asked her what she wanted and she said money to pay off her depts, as they were not going to let her have any more stock etc, so i gave her money as i thought it would sort her out........ but the next day she came back with a nose stud aand then asked me for fifty pounds for material to make her wedding dress i could go on like many people here could, but i suppose they have been brought up to ask and not all of them but some of them just go a little too far
crystal xx

Beachsellers... Brought some clothes over from UK for a beachseller and baby we had known for 2 years. The baby was obviously in need so my partner gave this seller money (50 quid), the next day the money had been stolen. The seller wanted more money but I could see it in her eyes (and reactions) that she was most probably scamming for more. After this episode we never went back with clothes or made contact again, even though the seller knew where we stayed, she never got in touch. Says something!

Having said this we have a good friend in Goa, who can be relied on as a friend. He would NEVER ask for anything of us without offering to pay first. He has a good business which we use a lot (hotel masseur). He has warned us of all the scams that some people get up to in India, he does not approve at all. I always buy him a good bottle of Malt Whisky every year, a good man.

A good thread for newbies to Goa, but these examples are not typical of a vast majority of people in Goa. If money is ever mentioned by my so called `friends` a simple " friends yes, money no" usually sorts the scammers from the real friends, glad to say though that of the few that asked for money the majority still greet me with a warm smile and sit for hours on the beach with me without ever asking again.

Hey Ladyjan - things have been pretty tough with me lately. I could do with some money to sort my ageing wardrobe out. Not too fussy about designer stuff - Primark will do nicely. Married life is tough and S.W.M.B.O is not a patient person. She thinks we can go on holiday to Majorca next month and I'm scared to disappoint her. Any spare rupees?

Seriously - it's easy to get sucked into friendships but as Feelthevibe said
"Friends yes-money no" is a good rule. Just put it down to experience and don't let it make you think that they're all like that because they are definitely not.

I often wonder what the beach guys must think as they watch us with mobiles, ipods, PDAs and gizmos. Wouldn't you want a slice of that affluence too?

Hi ladyjan, hope you find the courage to tell them no more. My family were like leeches i stoppeed giving and they no longer speak to us but the moment you say no you feel so liberated. Goodluck i know how hard it can be to say no.

sunnypop, i know just how you feel !!! sometimes family can be the worst!!!

but in goa, its right be friends but dont give out the cash, leave items you dont want to take back, they are always greateful for anything you leave.