Well done rosieprice
The good news trickling out of this forum shows that the numbers of firm cruises are steadily mounting up, so this may be an opportune moment to announce that my Back Garden Cruise is officially cancelled. Main reasons are:-
1. I can't find a solicitor willing to accept my T&Cs, mainly the one that stipulates that what I say is LAW regardless of what they've been taught. I thought I'd found a firm in New Zealand who were willing to do just that, but I've been let down. They e-mailed me to say they were based in a town called Takenforaride, which I couldn't find on any map. I decided to fly out to track them down, and when I asked the local travel agent about transfers from an international airport in NZ to their town, they couldn't find it either. So it appears I've been taken for a ride. Thankfully, I didn't send the requested £10,000 deposit to their numbered bank account, so I'm not out of pocket. And, with no solicitors, I simply can't go ahead with my Back Garden Cruise offer. I'm sure you're all looking forward to Phil's return, when his Balcony Cruises will doubtless be up and running once again, to compensate for all the bitter disappointment and anguish my would-be customers will be feeling.
2. When my neighbours objected to my delightful blue grass installed especially for the delectation of my Passengers, I arranged for 2 jobcentre people to replace the superior weeds they'd dug up. Unfortunately, their work was less than satisfactory, and my current weeds are nowhere near as asthetically pleasing as the original ones were. I can't offer my would-be customers inferior weeds now, can I???? Problems, problems.....
3. I can't sue the jobcentre for sending 2 workers who were on Community Service either (they stole one of the steps I has installed in order to enable my Passengers to see over the fences on both sides of my Back Garden and enjoy the particularly exotic weeds in both neighbouring gardens), as I have no reason to claim compensation for the suffering of my Passengers when there won't be any.
May I take this opportunity of apologizing most sincerely to EVERYONE (and I do mean EVERYONE) who was so looking forward to a vastly superior cruising experience on the good ship Much Better Intent in my Back Garden? I do realize it's no real compensation, but as a goodwill gesture I'll substitute vouchers. True, these are totally worthless and useless, but at least I mean well. At least, that's what I'd LIKE you to think.......
Yours most sincerely, humbly, contrite and lots more
Fay's (former) Intrepid Enterprises Anonymous
p.s. for anybody totally bemused by all this rubbish, I'm afraid you'll have to read back pages of this thread. Oh, and don't have nightmares.........