I just posted the self-humiliating ones first as I felt I owed you all that much!!
No time this morning as Jlie is giving it the "Are you on that computer again?" in my left ear!
Room service is not responding either................just can`t get the staff.
Pat, you drew the short straw on flight times for sure. It took me half an hour to get a cup of coffee at Malpensa, the coffee shop worked like this:
1. Queue up for coffee.............up to 10 minutes.
2. Get to front of queue to be told that I cannot buy one but have to join the other queue to pay first.
3a. Get the hump and go outside for a cigarette.
3b.Join other queue.............another 5-10 minutes
4. Get ticket.......then go back to queue No.1 and queue again........another 5-10 minutes.
After the coffee run was aborted owing to lack of interest I tried the "Fast-Food" outlets.................something of a mis-gnomer one mught say!!
"Fast food" is a contradiction in terms at that branch of Burger King........yes, it probably was faster than walking into Milan to buy the burger, bun and oven but not faster than watching paint dry!
Cruise..........Fantastic!
Malpensa Airport?..............
!!!!!!!I wish I`d had as long as you at Malpensa, Pat........then I might have got a second cup!
...............and no smoking!! 
....you must have had so much fun...........NOT!Seriously though, I was expecting quite a lonely week, which I could have used to just chill out in a very quiet way.The way it turned out with all of you and the people who joined us, I had a very different time which was far better.
As for protecting me from man-eaters............THANKS!! I was very afraid at one point............I was `shepherding` our little Tiff at the Disco and at the same time I was being stalked by bunny-boilers!!
When Pat mentioned "He`s married", it didn`t seem to make much difference...........I don`t think she wanted to `marry` me!!!!!!!!!
I just don`t know how a shy person like me can attract so much attention........
We did manage to make up the time however and I was home by midnight, thanks to my lovely son and daughter collecting me from Heathrow. I sent Lilac Labrador a PM saying I hoped she had got home alright and tried to express my degree of fed-uppedness in the time-honoured way, but the polite and delicate system changed it to say I was 'drunk off' which didn't have quite the same connotation - if only I had been drunk I could have borne it better. 
Dutch friend had marriage in mind, but I was aware I had to protect Julie's interests. Apart from that, all you fellows came as part of a set and no set is worth much if it is incomplete. 
