By the way, I forgot to mention my force majeure clause (though if you'd written off for my FULL terms and conditions you would have clearly seen it - small - at the bottom).

Should my promotion be subject to a force majeure such as the current sunny weather making the Taff a bit shallow, all cruises are off and I pocket everything.

Of course, I may be generous and choose not to exercise that clause. I may offer you another opportunity next year or a book of vouchers. Whatever, you'll all get a cruise or equivalent. Probably.

Fay

Perhaps you should consider enlisting the help of Phils coven as they are going to be redundant for the next month, maybe they could come up with a spell to attract millionaires only leaving the peasants out of it. I could offer a nice line in posh frock and cruise shoes hire, would help me out from having to find storage for them as it looks as if they are not going to be used until sometime in 2006.

Helen

Thanks for all your helpful suggestions, girls, I shall bear them in mind when drafting the small print.

When Phil gets back, I wonder if he'll read the entire thread from the day he left - and whether he'll regret ever having devised his Balcony Cruise in the first place

By the way, why is it only us females who have taken up his idea? Are our brain cells superior to those of males? Admittedly, Phil started us all off, but all the running since then has been done by the fairer sex.

(Now, fellas, see what you can do about proving me wrong )

Happy Easter

Fay

All this brain power flying around and yet no mention of transfers, taxis, hotels, for the overniight stay before we join the back garden cruise.
Is it all in, except for what we have to bring ?
Are there no hidden costs, everything for a fiver?
Can we believe what we see?

How long after booking till I get my confirmation?
Any supplements for coming from the North West?

Hoping to book one soon

Peter

Fay

I hope you have the towels ready so that we can get up early and reserve the sun loungers to avoid sharing?

Maureen H

do we bring our own tent and sleeping bag ?
can we all use your shower in your house or do we have to go to the
local swimming pool and just swim to get clean ??
can we put our drink in your fridge ??
will you babysit ??
is there a tv in the garden ??
what currency do we change our money to ??
do we need injections ??
will you speak english ??
can we get a signal on our mobiles ??
will you entertain us ??
do we need formal dresses ??

Happy Easter everyone.

The clocks going forward seems to have affected you all, either that or you have mountains of chocolate to consume and later the consumption of the contents of the odd tanker lorry.

I would also like to book my passage for the garden cruise, I could at a stretch throw in my 2 daughters for the entertainment of singing, dancing & drama. There may be a scriptwriter/director amongst us. Maybe we could arrange a concert party, to tour the various member cruises as I am sure there are many talented members out there, just waiting for their cue in the wings.

I'm glad you put up an explanation Dizzy. I came here for my Sundy read and found nothing. How do I pass the afternoon now
Are transfers included for the Garden Cruise, or will they be added last minute?
Can we pay for upgrades to the part of the garden where you have mown the grass or where there are flowers? How about extra for sunloungers away from the compost heap?

Talking about the sunloungers... what percentage of the passengers will be German?

I remember Med holidays of the past with all the sunloungers reserved by dawn! In fact when our German friends came here to stay i remember opening the curtains to the garden at about 7am and seeing Raise with her towel on pride of place on the lawn! Talk about stereotypes

At the risk of getting you all over-stimulated, I would like to announce the launch of a brand new cruise offer:

The Taxi cruise.

There will be a variety of itineraries, yet to be disclosed, but suffice to say that there will be themes to each cruise.

As a general guide and `taster` of things to come, here is a small sample of the potential themes.

The Tom Cruise: Touring the red light districts of our major cities. Ample time will be allowed for cruisers to sample the local delights. (About 10 minutes ashore should be enough for the average male)
Post-excoursion madical attention inclusive.

The Alcoholic Cruise/ABV: See the Breweries and Distilleries which have made our Renal Units the envy of the world! Full refund if you can recall any of the cruise within 7 working days of completion.

The Shopping Cruise: Shop `till you drop Laydees......Harrods, Prada......yes, even Matalan..........baggage limit of 2000kg. per person. Ideally should be booked in tandem with your husband on one of the above cruises)

The Gardens of England Cruise: Something with a slower pace in association with Sanatogen. Full CPR facilities available for those who lose the will to live en-route. Free Dibber and a packet of seeds for every cruiser.......honest!

Many more to be announced soon...............the Meter is running!

Now I am in a state of complete confusion because I simply don't know which cruise to choose! Perhaps I should be methodical and use the process of elimination!

Garden Cruise This could be expensive because of supplements and we all know these can be swingeing!
Welsh Cruise This appeals because I have always wanted to meet Taffy but I absolutely refuse to drink brains!
The Essex Cruise I am discounting this one because I have been to Tilbury and don't want to go back! The sandwiches sounded good though!
The Tom Cruise This one is too male oriented!
The Booze Cruise A definitive maybe because I always remember something within seven days, just! The refund could pay for my second choice!
The Shopping Cruise I will only consider this one if the name is changed to the Shoplifting Cruise!
The Gardens of England No way would I allow Tony to perform CPR on me and I refuse to eat seeds. Far too organic!
Obviously I need more itineraries because so far I have a free cruise!

How about the Beckham Cruz? You get to hear an underweight bird trying to sing and some gormless bloke, with a dodgy haircut, endlessly going on about football.

I will pass on that one Tris, Underweight birds and footie not my scene!

Each of the suggested cruises is missing something vital. I don't think that you will get many bookings unless you make it clear that supplements may be payable, variable of course, dependant on the length and colour of the grass, number of hours in a day, price of fish and the colour of the socks that the booking staff are wearing on the day that the booking is made.You have to be careful about things like that, don't you

Not forgetting an R in the month Elaine, star sign of the applicant and a doctors letter!

Too be ultra careful, should it be compulsary to get a letter from the vet as well

Oh yes, and an identity tag implant too!

im laughing so much i ll need a recovery cruise

That can be arranged Ann, including CPR from Tony!